Abuse, Adolescence, Authenticity, Psychology, Sexuality

A Note On Fatherless Girls

Some years ago, when I was new in Colorado, I frequented a coffee shop near my apartment that was the hang out of kids from the local high school. Consequently, the first 200 or so people I met here were almost all of them between the ages of 15 and 19.

Several of those kids befriended me, and took to inviting me on road trips, or to parties, sleep-overs, concerts, plays, movies, rock climbing expeditions — just about anything and everything they did together.

I came to know over time perhaps a 100 young men and a 100 young women, some of them quite well. And it seems to me that I noticed a difference between many of the young women who had fathers and many of the young women who didn’t.

In general, the difference was this: The fatherless women were less self-confident around men than the women with fathers.

For instance: The fatherless women were less likely to assert themselves. They were less likely to let men know what their boundaries were. They were less likely to be strong individuals around men.

On the other hand, the fatherless women were more likely to be relatively obsessed with their boyfriends. They were more likely to be emotionally dependent on them. And they were more likely to cling to relationships in which they were being abused.

It seemed to me that one thing fathers tend to do for their daughters is help them be self-confident when dealing with men. Does that make any sense?

9 thoughts on “A Note On Fatherless Girls”

  1. It is understandable.
    However, should anti-gay activists harbor this information, it would be a logical argument against homosexual unions, don’t you think?

    “We are helping them become better people with a lower risk of abuse and rape!”

    Whether or not homosexual unions provide for particular personality attributes has no bearing on legal matters such as legality which should not denied (at least in America).


  2. Hi Schwinn!

    Interesting points! I agree that gay unions should be allowed as a matter of fairness and basic human rights — If we limit who can get married on the basis of whether they will raise confident children, where will it all end?


  3. “If we limit who can get married on the basis of whether they will raise confident children, where will it all end?”

    An annulment for James Dobson?


  4. It’s not about marriage, or homosexuality it’s about girls feelings. I don’t care if it is not politically correct, growing up fatherless has an impact. I know. I experienced it. I harbor no resentment against gays. But feel for other fatherless daughers.


  5. Hi Anon! Welcome to the blog! I see we share similar feelings towards fatherless children. My own father died when I was very young, and I think that might have something to do with my concern for fatherless kids — both boys and girls. Have you thought of any ways you can get involved with fatherless girls to help them?


  6. i have questions. my husband has just found contact w his daughter after 14 yrs of absence. we have young children. i just want her to feel like she belongs, welcomed , loved,& wanted. there are “hot spots” things that will cause a flood of emotion for her. how do we avoid these “hot spots” we dont know what all of them may be. her dad diddnt chose 2 be absent. i believe she knows that now, but it dosnt erase the feelings of being unwanted or “thrown away” for so many yrs. is there anyone with any key words of wisdom? any opinions or advise on this would be very valueable. thanks


  7. Welcome, Amanda! I think you’re wonderful for reaching out to your husband’s daughter! I hope she reciprocates.

    Unfortunately, I don’t feel myself qualified to offer you much insight into how to handle the situation. You seem very much on the right track to me, but in all the time I’ve spent with teens, only twice has it happened that a daughter or son was reunited with her or his father. So I have very limited experience as a witness to that sort of thing.

    I will say, however, that in both cases, the child was surprised by how quickly he or she developed a rapport with his or her father.

    I’ve taken the liberty of creating a fresh post on this blog asking people to offer you their insights and support. The post is here:

    Amanda Could Use Your Help and Support, Please

    I wish you the best


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