Marriage, Relationships, Sexuality, Values

Sex with One’s Second Wife

This morning, a young friend told me he is saving himself for his future wife.   Now, I don’t care whether he saves himself or not.  It’s his business — and maybe the business of his future wife — but it’s none of my business what he does about sex before marriage.  However, I was still curious about the reason he gave me for saving himself.

According to my friend, his having sexual relations with another woman would unjustly deprive his future wife of something.  Like I said, I don’t really care what he ends up doing, but I do feel he has given me a poor reason for doing what he wants to do.

Of course, my objection to his reasoning is based in my own experience.   Sex with my second wife was on an order of magnitude better, more meaningful, and more satisfying than sex with my first wife.   Moreover, I would not expect things to have happened that way if it were true that sex with one woman deprives another woman of anything significant.

I wonder who first came up with the notion that having sexual relations with another woman will unjustly deprive one’s future wife of something?  It wasn’t my friend.  He was merely repeating something he’d heard, and for his own reasons had come to believe in the absence of any evidence.  So I would like to know who first minted that counterfeit coin?


3 thoughts on “Sex with One’s Second Wife”

  1. What is actually curious to me about this is that it was a ‘he.’ The emphasis on virginity has a long history for women, and I believe there are still many men who believe that they are experiencing/feeling something special and different when they have sex with a female virgin. There may actually be physical sensations that are different, but I’m not entirely sure I believe it.

    For a woman, I can’t see why having sex with a man who was a virgin would somehow be ‘better.’ For myself, as a teenager for my ‘first time,’ I went with the other stereotype and assumed men who had sex with many women would be better.

    Now, I only believe that it has to do with some combination of love and chemistry and nothing really to do with previous sexual experience.


  2. This ‘counterfeit coin’ is grounded in the same type ideals that torments you enough to post the silly ‘A’ yet seek God.

    I am unable to care that you choose not to exercise the faith required to accept God. I do not care if you reject the rational for every one of the commandments. as a non-theist you reject the most important law of them so who cares if you accept or reject any?

    Exodus 20:14 prohibits adultery. Adultery is sex with a person besides yourself or your spouse. I am not sure masturbation is even allowed but why would self-pleasuring not be allowed? A person not currently your spouse is prohibited.

    Once you reject God, I do not understand how anything else could possibly matter.

    In the common sense practical ‘A’ rational it could be to protect the future spouse from diseases or comparisons like you do to your first and second spouse? It also prohibits the potential of identifying another you prefer to mate with whom you have no desire to wed.


  3. Astasia, my young friend is Muslim, which might go some ways towards explaining why he values male virginity as much as he does. Yet, like you, I have heard the same idea that he expressed before — just most often in connection with female virginity.


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