Adolescent Sexuality, Sexuality

Middle Age Men and Much Younger Women Revisited

Quite recently,  a friend mentioned to me her fears of growing old, which she strongly associates with losing her sexual attractiveness.  She further said that she did not know how she would be able to handle it if and when her husband began looking at much younger women.

Perhaps because I have no life, her remarks put me in mind of my own blog post on the subject of men looking at naked teens.  The post happens to be the current favorite on this blog.  It is googled several times each day, and it has collected over 300 comments.   At that point, a couple off the cuff and more or less random thoughts occurred to me.

First, it does not seem to me that many of the commentators on that post give much consideration to the the aesthetics of porn in their attempts to answer the question of why so many adult men are attracted to pictures of naked teens.   Yet, the simple fact is that most internet porn photographers are very poor photographers indeed.

Capturing the sexual beauty of a middle age woman is almost certainly beyond their skills.

In contrast, young people typically have a more obvious — perhaps one might even say they have a blunt — beauty that requires no skill to capture at least some of it.   It seems to me that taking a photo of a teen might even be a bit like taking a photo of a snow-capped mountain against a blue sky.  How can you possibly screw it up so much that it fails to even hint of beauty?

So let me therefore suggest, as an hypothesis of sorts, that the most palatable internet porn usually features younger models, and that it seems likely some men — although certainly not all men — who look at young models do so because the pictures of older models are even worse than the pictures of young models.

A second random thought I had this morning was to wonder how many 30 year old  men who fantasize about having sex with teens would prefer a teen to a woman their age if they had actual sexual experience of both?  Now, I would not be at all surprised if a fair minority of men would prefer the teen.  But I would be surprised if a majority of such men would prefer the teen.

Maybe I’m totally wrong about this, but I imagine most 30 year old men would soon enough get bored with a teenager’s sexuality.  When I was in my 30s and 40s, I had a lot of young female friends.  I even found some of them sexually attractive.   But I did not discover in all those years even a single teen or young woman who I was so sexually attracted to that I felt I wanted to act on my attraction.  And there were certainly no teens or young women during that period of my life that came close to stirring in me the passion that a certain friend near my own age managed to inspire.

I realize personal experiences cannot be legitimately generalized into firm statements about everyone’s tastes, but I still find it difficult, based on my own experiences, to believe that a majority of middle age men would be fixated on having sex with teens and young women — regardless of what they choose to look at on the net.   And even regardless of what they fantasize they might do in imagined situations.  I think, if they were actually put to the test, most middle age men would discover whatever fantasies they might have about teens and young women are just that — fantasies.

I suspect, however, that most middle age women in our society — including my friend — are heavily indoctrinated to believe that teen sexuality is somehow superior to their own.  That seems to me to be pure horseshit, but I recognize that it is very difficult for anyone to reverse his or her indoctrination.

At any rate, those were two, or maybe three, random thoughts that came to me this morning.  They are a bit more off the cuff than perhaps they should be, but I thought they might prompt some interesting comments.  If so, have at it!

16 thoughts on “Middle Age Men and Much Younger Women Revisited”

  1. It’s about experience. I look at a teen and appreciate her beauty but at the same time remember the clumsy fumblings of my youth and remember that sex with someone with zero to minimal sexual experience is not that great. I will look at a considerably older adult female and fantisize like crazy.


  2. Interesting. I’m a 30-something who tends to worry that men my own age and older will pass me over because I look younger than I am and am not infrequently mistaken for a teenager. I tend to assume that any man worth being with is going to want a woman he can see as an equal emotionally and intellectually. If that isn’t in place, anything sexual is going to get boring real fast.


    1. By the way, Leah, you’ve got a fascinating blog. I’m adding it to my blog roll this morning. Thank you for the thought, time and effort you put into it!

      To have an emotional and intellectual equal is pretty much a prerequisite for enduring passion, don’t you think?


      1. Thank you so much!

        “To have an emotional and intellectual equal is pretty much a prerequisite for enduring passion, don’t you think?” In my book, a resounding yes!


  3. As a past-middle-aged woman, I have never been attracted to older men. All of my boyfriends since high school were my age or younger and my husband of almost thirty years is younger than me. I have always found the conceit of older men thinking they are such hot catches for younger women repulsive. It’s a power thing, too. Older men who go after teenagers want to be in control. They can’t tolerate equal power relations with an older woman.


  4. From reading the blog about teen porn, I get the impression that many women are not feeling emotionally and sexually fulfilled.

    I think, the reaction to the use of teen porn by their partners has more to do with this than any other factor.


  5. I was a prolific photographer of the ”figurenude” shown nude as an object of art.

    I only shot one teen in my decades of nude photography. I photographed this teen decades later on the day her daughter was born.

    Around another decade later she was the first person I photographed as a figure from a wheelchair. I do not want to allow Google Inc to justify display of a nude done by me here. My participation here causes several already. They are docile enough photos but I did NOT take them.

    Teen nudes or any nudes shown by wire have been illegal since 1934. I have sought to add the FCC to my litigation against Google and NAMEMEDIA INC. *poof* It will resolve and make the New York action become trivial.

    Google Inc was recently and flatly denied a class action insurance token by honorable Judge Denny Chin once called a groundbreaking settlement for violating rights of authors….

    Tick – tock Tick – tock Tick – tock Tick – tock
    No photographer would need to depend on the beauty of the ”model” if they were serious about their art and not just needing an excuse for nudity.


    1. When I wrote the post this morning, Curtis, I was quite curious whether you would comment on it, since you are a superb photographer who has done work in nudes. Thank you for some very interesting remarks.


  6. I’ve always thought the fascination of our culture for thin, young, ignorant girls as the ideal sexual partner was all about power too. Confident and mature men I assume would see the sexy in bigger, confident, experienced women.
    The question is – do you want a power trip, or do you want an intense connection with someone you respect with equal desire and skill?
    I hope when I leave my 20s I’ll see myself as more sexy. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.


  7. This brings up all sorts of curious thoughts.

    There is a whole culture of erotic and pornographic imagery of women in their 40s and 50s; apparently for a certain solid male demographic, *this* is the apex of female allure.

    I dated a gentleman of many virtues and some curious foibles; there is a whole helpnik literature about men who have a perfectly avid and lusty woman available to them yet prefer solitary romps with porn. The quaint thing to me was that his preferred porn was “mature,” same age as the girl he had (me).

    Quite possibly, the number of young women whose best financial option is to pose for erotic photos has something to do with the number of men whose wanky moments involve images of youth. It may just be a matter of what’s on the market.


  8. “I suspect, however, that most middle age women in our society — including my friend — are heavily indoctrinated to believe that teen sexuality is somehow superior to their own.”


    Teen sexuality seems to me a contradiction in terms. Although teens are certainly sexual, it may be more of a knee-jerk than a developed sense, and it’s that development that defines and refines.

    If your point is more that older woman feel pressured to compete with the younger and firmer, of course you are right. The “desired” images are everywhere and we’re trained from childhood to compare and find ourselves wanting.

    What has been interesting for me is the ongoing revelation that my aging form has little to do with my attractiveness to men 20+ years younger, although that is not the case with men closer to my age. Where 30-something men are fun and fascinated, 50-somethings are sucking in their gut and avoiding eye contact. Thankfully, my tastes run toward the younger … this having much more to do with enthusiasm and humor than hair and physique … so it works for me.

    Hope all is good in your world, Paul.




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