(About a 5 minute read)
Some long time ago, I married my first wife mainly for her looks. However, I didn’t allow myself to think I was marrying her for her looks. Instead, I talked myself into the conviction I was marrying her out of love for her.
As near as I can figure out, I told myself I was marrying her for love because I didn’t want to face the reality I was shallow enough to marry someone mainly for her looks. Facing that reality would have required me to change how I thought of myself. And rather than do that — change how I thought of myself — I changed my life.
Now, I would like to say the experience taught me a lesson, and I would never again make the same mistake.
Unfortunately, I am 52 years old — which is old enough to know I have at times in life repeated a mistake, even a grievous one. There is no absolute guarantee, then, I would not do the same thing again.
It is not always easy to be mindful of how foolish one can be. But to think we cannot be fools is — in my experience at least — simply a delusion.
Of course, to be deluded is one of the few things in life nearly everyone can excel at, no matter how little talent they have for anything else. It seems delusions are not only easy to achieve, but that they are all but mandatory for our clever species of chimpanzee. In fact, I don’t think one needs to be a cynic to acknowledge that we as a species are typically delusional through-out our lives and to one extent or another.
Thus, I am not optimistic I can live my life free of delusions. I do believe, however, that I — or anyone else — can do somethings to improve the situation, and I’d like to talk about two of those things here.
The first thing we might do to improve the situation rests on the simple observation that everyone else’s delusions are typically more transparent to us than our own. For instance: It is quite easy for me to see how poorly reasoned are the various arguments against the Theory of Evolution because I myself don’t share in the delusion the Theory is false. But it is far and away more difficult for me to see how dangerous to political freedom and civil liberties in this country are some of the policies adopted by President Obama because I strongly wish to believe he will set right all that has been set wrong in the past. Of course, in this case I’m doing well to suspect I’m deluded about President Obama — for the most part, I have no inkling at all of my delusions. Yet, my delusions might be quite transparent to someone else.
Since everyone else’s delusions are typically more transparent to us than our own, it follows that other people might help us get a handle on our own delusions. The operative word there is “might”. It is not always true they can or will.
Let’s turn now to another thing we can do to help us deal with the challenge of being a species prone to delusions. Like the first thing I mentioned, this second thing also rests on a simple observation: That is, we are very much inclined to delude ourselves whenever we fail to accept ourselves as we are. Thus, to lessen our chances of self-delusion, it is ideal to as much as possible accept ourselves just as we are, without judgment — i.e. without condemnation or praise.
Perhaps it is intuitive that self-condemnation represents a rejection of ourselves — rather than an acceptance — but how does self-praise interfere with our accepting ourselves as we are? I know from experience that self-praise does in fact interfere with accepting ourselves, but I have only a theory as to how it does that. Praise, of course, is a form of judgment, and judgments are comparative. When you judge something, you are comparing it to something. So when we praise ourselves we are, on some level, comparing ourselves to something else and in effect saying that other thing is the more valuable. I don’t know whether or not that’s really how it works — I only know from observation that self-praise is not self-acceptance.
After pointing out a couple minor ways in which we might manage our delusions, it might be worthwhile to briefly mention that societies can be seen as vast conspiracies to prop up various delusions. I’m only half-joking here. Of course it is easier to see how a society might be thought of as a bunch of people engaged in a conspiracy to delude themselves when you are looking at someone else’s society besides your own. And it is easier to see how your own society might be thought of that way when you are not busy judging it. My purpose, though, in half-jokingly calling societies “vast conspiracies” is to point out that our species is not only prone to delusions, but that most of us are now and then engaged in helping each other maintain our delusions. At least some of our delusions.
Just consider for a moment the tremendous money, talent and energy that is each day put into perpetuating the Western myth that for each person in this world there is one — and only one — other person who is a perfect mate, a soul mate. So far as I can see, that notion is delusional. Yet, it’s among the most popular notions of our time and the resources spent on perpetuating it are nearly astronomical.
Now, against that backdrop, consider some of the challenges we face in trying to manage our delusions. I have pointed out two minor ways that might help manage them, but even if someone were to assiduously practice both of those ways, they would still be swimming in a social sea of delusions. So far as I can see, societies have always been, and always will be, something akin to vast conspiracies to prop up various delusions. Perhaps it is impossible, then, for an individual to live a relatively realistic life without to some extent being alienated from his or her society.
Human nature is prone to delusion. It seems almost all of us excel in the art of deluding ourselves. Perhaps most of our delusions are comparatively harmless. Now and then, though, some delusions might lead us to make unwise choices. It is probably for the best then that we are mindful of our capacity to be deluded and do what we can to be realistic.
52! That’s like 9 years ago! Have your views in regards to this topic changed? Or are they the same? 🙂
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Pretty much the same, Teresums. Which is somewhat unusual for me, as my views can change quite a bit over that much time.
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I really like this — it’s so true. Even when it comes to diet… I fell out with a friend who steadfastly believed in what she was told when growing up, and when I was trying to discuss these subjects, she would flatly tell me I was wrong. There’s nothing wrong with someone disagreeing and exchanging ideas… it’s being shot down without a second thought that I don’t like.
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I agree about the being shot down without a second thought. Makes you aware of how your effort to communicate something was wasted — to say nothing of it being like talking to a brick wall.
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SMiLes.. Modern Neuro-Science suggests we Hallucinate our Reality.. Great this is for those
Who see life as always an Art Project For theirs to move.. connect and co-create
With a Form
And
Essence of
Relative Free
Will they Hallucinate
But not so Great for
Anyone under the
Delusion that
Reality
At core
For us is
Anything like
Concrete Systemizing
Science as those who
Embrace Change
Progressively
Enjoy
Reality
As the
Art we are
We Co-create
SMiLes i never
stARTed LiVinG
More fully until
Becoming more
Of a DancE
And
SonG
Ever changing
As Pleasure or
Pain and all the Colors
And Flavors of all the
Feelings and Senses
That
Come
To Play in an
Ever Changing
Painting of
A Vincent Van
Gogh Show
As Mastery
Of
Colors more..
The Mastery
Is the Mystery
And the Real
MaGiC As FRuiTioN NoW
Of course that Might
Change
Which
Only Makes
Now more
Delicious
For those
Who
Master
Fear for Now
As in all
Things Life
A Spectrum
Of DArk through LiGHT..:)
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I’m not sure I understand you, Katie. Do you mean that because we hallucinate our reality, we can freely create any reality we want?
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Smiles, Paul; For the sake of reciprocal social communication that is concrete, I’ll do my best to use “Linear Logic”, although, it makes me feel less alive within, never more, Working for the Federal Government and retiring from that making technical lists and the such as that; I will surely revert back to what made me feel much more dead inside on a flip of a Cent too, for we Humans also do well in bringing back to life what we do for a Quarter of a Century and more, too.
I’m enjoying your blog and one key, I would potentially fit in is that you use a metaphor for Nude Blogging Mondays, not unlike Casual Friday Dress at Work too. And Perhaps one difference between me and you other than three years of age at 58 and 61 is ‘according to Science’, I Literally Nude Blog and Write Erotic Poetry and I’ve been Public Dancing now for 9666 Miles in 59 Months along with Writing 6 Million Words of Free Verse Poetry still Leg Pressing 1020 LBS at 52 Reps on a Very Difficult Free Weight Parallel Leg Press
Machine at Several Hundred Pounds more than Elite Marines, Three to Four
Decades my Junior as let’s not forget that Science Says we reach our peak
in Physical Strength in our Thirties and it goes steadily down across the
Decades as I am Drifting away from the Edge of the Linear Lines
of the Page now moving Naturally back into a Golden Mean
Spiral Ratio of 1.618 in the Breaths of my Language
and moving back into Free Verse Poetic Speak
that is Naturally A Dance and Song
of Communication
that and
who
Dances and Sings as me rather
than Just Writing and Listing Facts
And other Numbers. Smiles but at this Point at Least I am still using ‘normal’
Punctuation; yet Freely Capitalizing Words for small emphasis and ‘affect’ that the Queen Victorian Style of Language states is outside of the Book or Box. Now, those Efforts above that are empirically Measured and Documented in extreme Detail as far as technical lists go are just a few ways that I for one Create a much Different Empirical Based
Reality that anyone would have expected for an Autistic Child who
did not develop the Ability for Oral Speak until 4 years old.
And with that condition, Specifically, Asperger’s Syndrome,
comes difficulty in Motor Coordination including
Fine Motor Coordination as my Hand Writing, hehe,
is even worse than Doctor’s with Greater Than Average Systemizing
Skills and often Poor Bed-Side Manners as they don’t always hit a Gold
Standard when it comes to Empirical Measures of Empathy as some research
shows that up to 10 to 15 Percent of the Population is on a Broader Autism Phenotype
of those who are rather stuck in the Left Brain Metaphor of precisely that Systemizing
Science Linear Thinking as such where one will not find much emotive Language
even in what they write, too. In fact, as far as Doctor’s go never in a Prescription
for a Treatment Plan for Asperger’s Syndrome and Bi-Polar Disorder where
about as close as Emotive Language on an Actual Prescription from a
Psychiatrist gets is Dance; yes, Dance, And yes Free Style Flowing
Dance to Regulate Emotions and Integrate Senses that are truly
the core issues of imbalance in Bi-Polar Disorder, and Asperger’s
Syndrome as well as ADHD as I got tagged with that Label too and not
before for any of those Three Disorders, in my 40’s and 50’s as specifically
for all the Doctor said to my Mother is your two children are Hyperactive and He will talk when he gets ready too as it’s obvious by the look in his eyes that he is bright; hmm,
Priceless; a Doctor with intuition out of ‘the Medical Books’ as such. Yes, My Sister is
also Diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome in her 40’s; but she got a pass on the Bi-Polar.
And I only got a Diagnosis at the First of 19 other Medical Disorders, mostly Stress related
from fight or flight Stress at the End of my Federal Service Career when folks started
doing the work of 10 People or so, with downsizing and the automation of the human
being as slave to machines rather than Supervising People as by that time I was a
Financial Manager in effect and an Athletic Director off a Division of a Military Station
and also of note, the Last Kid Picked on Sports Teams in School as that
Goes Hand in Hand with the Motor-Coordination Difficulties of Asperger’s
Syndrome too. True, when the Psychiatrist first met me, he immediately
‘Spotted the Aspie’; and eventually as a Combat Fatigue Specialist
with the Air Force assessed me as his worst case of Severe Anxiety
and Depression, although the Type Two Trigeminal Neuralgia didn’t help
assessed as the Worst Pain known to Human Kind that in my case was
like a Dentist Drill in my right eye and ear with no Novocaine, was a Pain
that no Human Made Drug would touch. True, Sjogren’s Syndrome
will stop all flow of Tears for a Desert of eyes too and Dysautonomia
will make it very difficult to sleep at all; just one hour with an Alpha Blocker
of very Card Board Shallow Sleep for the first 35 out of 40 days, and no sleep
at all the last 5 of 40, where at the Start of Getting used to ‘the devil’ in my right
eye and ear there is good enough reason they call that Pain the Suicide Disease
as Dousing myself with Gasoline from Head to toe, would have been Preferable
at close to the first of that stint with almost no sleep; where i ‘went to a place’ where
briefly the Pain went away as well as all my other Senses of Feeling Life as a Piece
of Paper existence became me where all was the Perception of Time and every
Second was an experience of a Thousand Years in what verily
is the Essence of Human Hell within; voila, Hell is real on Earth
now was the Empirical conclusion I came to then. The thing is my
Friend; Real Heaven is on Earth too within and as Yogi’s under Scientific
Study also do; yes, they Master a Regulation of Emotions and Integration
of Senses and some Autonomic Functions like Body Temperature, Blood Pressure, Heart Rate, and Brain Wave Activity through the Bio-Feed Back of Meditation and they develop
incredible Cognitive Executive Functioning with Laser Focus and Amazing Short
Term Working Memory the same as I achieve as both a Psychotherapist
and Psychiatrist do agree supported by the Science of a Naked Literal
Dance of Life now that not only requires no pills but literally not even
a stitch of Human Made clothing for it is true Moving Meditation is so
much better than still meditation as a Free Style Dance is assessed in
Science to reduce the incidence of Alzheimer’s disease by 70 Percent
and even still meditation is studied to increase the Gray Matter by rebuilding
or Keeping one’s Brain young, except for the Fear Center of the Amygdala
where Grey Matter is actually reduced with a much greater potential for an
Anxiety Free Life. Smiles, my friend, I don’t need a Science Degree, even though
I do have a BS in Health Science; and a BA in Anthropology; and a BA in Social
Sciences Interdisciplinary for the common sense/feel that stress and even too much
Positive stress in terms of instant gratification and in general, fear kills every thing
good in life for with enough dance, and as far as fears go enough Public Dance
with clothes soon to milestone 10K miles in 5 Years and yes with Naked Dance
too in appropriate avenues for that as that will lead to a fearless state of
Human Nature too unless one is a Stripper with Addictions to Alcohol
and other Drugs to Numb Anxiety or feel anything at all for it’s true
a condition of losing nuanced emotions and almost all emotions
together as emotions are memories and memories are emotions
as Science Suggests now too, is the otherwise glue of all our cognitive
executive functioning and yes real happiness that one can and will actually
feel and sense as an emotional and sensory experience of life always now too
as a Kingdom of Heaven empirically assessed in Yogis, too. But again, I didn’t
have to go to Yogi School then to either go to Heaven within now as both my
Psychiatrist and Psychotherapist after still seeing me in the 5 years of Heaven
do agree that i have done practically what once was thought as impossible to do
and cured the Negative Symptoms of Bi-Polar Disorder, Asperger’s Syndrome,
and ADHD with just a Free Style Dance of Life; and true a practice of Life overall
in Dance and Song that is a Never Ending ‘Nether Land’ Literal Story now as
that is just one 3 Million plus word Bible Chapter of what I name as the
“SonG oF mY SoUL” Ocean whole Longest Long Form Epic style
effort in the History and or Herstory of Humankind too now with
166K photos i took to fully iLLustrate it and over 10K YouTube
Videos as i Love to set the Narration of my
Life to not only Dance but Song too.
Smiles, my Friend, I’ve been in debates on
Websites with folks who say their Average IQ
is between 140 to 160 and i’m sure mine is high
enough graduating with those 3 Degrees at the top
part of the Class too; but the thing is what i’ve learned
most in life is there is a Rationality of Words and there is
a Rationality of Feelings and Senses that will come to be our
Reality as Dance and Song with enough Practice now as the
‘Professional Yogis’ also Do simply in an Animal Homeostasis
when Subsistence and Mate Finding Duties are done for the Day.
My Wife takes care of all the Work and I just Dance and Sing Retired
with new Rubber on my Wheels and it’s true my Friend i read 10 to 15
times faster than the average Human Being and in doing so I have greatly
enjoyed all your posts as your greatest strength that I for one Currently see
is you Lend an ear to all opinions that are respectful that and who come your way.
For it is true those who do that are much more likely to fulfill the Art in Smart and more
fully do a Dance and Song of Life. We Do Relative Free Will in what truly counts
in life; namely the Love of Life in Moving Connecting and Co-Creating which
obviously includes a basic requirement for the Bottom of Maslow’s Pyramid
for Food for Drink for Shelter for Friends and yes Lover(s) too along
with Safety and Security too but as Maslow’s Pyramid rises to
Self-Actualization as we integrate ego now with deeper self
as Our True Wills that we come to co-create rise up thru
down as my Greatest Achievement is a Smile NoW
my Friend; no, not 6 Million Words;
no, not 166K photos; no, not all that
Nude art; or Erotic Free Verse Poetry
or a Foundation of Leg strength that
just helps with what really counts
in the end and beginning now
of bringing a smile to another
Human Face through 365
Days in an Art of Dance at 2000 Miles
a year as that comes and goes too; but yes
the day I Danced in Walmart and the Customer
Service Representative said I bring Spring to Walmart
in the Dead of Winter that in Metaphor truly does represent
what one ‘normally’ feels and senses from most others in ‘that
place’ year round. And true after Dancing with all the Cool College
Age Folks for the 222nd Dance Week Last Night and doing over 2000 Smiling
Selfie Captured Faces with Beautiful Young Women in the throes of just a Joy
of Dance my Friend; just a dance of life that spells I love life ear to ear for that one
moment in life at least. I had a Child named Ryan who only suffered with Congenital
Anomalies his entire 51 day life without a first or last smile. When My
Memory of a Smile in those 66 Months was gone in real hell as shut-in
in my Home; I found out all that really counts in life is
Love; yes, all those Platitudes about Love were
real but only
when
Love is
Real my Friend
and brings a smile
to another Human Being
who is really Human in what
it even means to be us; people
who smile at each other with just the Freedom of Love.
Yes, it helps that I am Financially Independent but Maslow
and anyone else with common sense already understands
that the task master of a dollar bill is an ugly God that rarely smiles my Friend.
Perhaps, it is still the Autism Speaking but Love is Literally God to me and when
one becomes totally Separated from the actual feelings and senses of a smile
that’s
not
hard
to understand
for those who do live now;
Everything in life is relative
and a spectrum my friend but smiles are real when they love.
That’s really all I don’t need to know. Other than that I mostly
Read or Write on my own Long Form Poem Bible as it’s not appropriate
to Regularly Write Much Longer Blog Posts on other folks Blogs as that naturally
Happens when one writes 6 Million Words in 5 years
as this is
just a
drop in
my Ocean Poem
Whole but don’t worry
i will not do this to you again.
I’ll try to limit myself with just
one finger on a Smart Phone
as i otherwise potentially do take the rest of the Oxygen out of Folks’s Blogs.
More than anything, I do appreciate what you are giving and sharing here free
as it mostly confirms what I already understand about the Science of Life and
with all stuff life i learn something new every now I live with an open Spirit
of Heart and a Mind and Body Soul in Balance that as Empirically Measured
And Documented in my 6 Million Word Bible Poem is literally and metaphorically Love.
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Thanks, Katie. Can’t say I understood you, but the poetry was interesting.
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Believe all things, believe in nothing: problem solved.
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I have a friend with much the same philosophy. I don’t subscribe to it myself, though.
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Some might say that religion is delusional. Some might say that Trump is delusional. Some might say that “Comments make my day” is delusional. You might say that I am delusional….well, let’s not get carried away.
Very interesting post, by the way (unless I’m delusional).
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I was thinking about ignoring your post to see if I could unnerve you into believing your memory of posting it was delusional. But then I broke down and responded anyway. I’m such a wus. 😀
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Perhaps we create our own reality to match what we think we want. Interesting post!
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I would say that’s spot on to a significant degree, CC. Well said!
If we go too far, though, reality has an obnoxious habit of knocking at our door.
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There was once a young man who thought he was in love with two young women. One was exceptionally beautiful but essentially void of any thing that required intelligence or more than superficial thinking. The second one was an intellectual and musically talented soprano with a unique beautiful melodious voice but remarkably unattractive. After much emotional and intellectual consideration he choose the second one, thinking that the brain was more important in the long run.
Waking up after the first night of the honeymoon, the young man rolled over in bed, took a quick glance at his new bride and said, “For Christ’s sake, sing something.”
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😀
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