I recently wrote a post on how to give good advice called, “Some Alarming Advice on Offering Advice” Naturally, being me (That’s Paul Sunstone, to be sure you know — and if you don’t know that by now, then we should take a DNA test, because we’re probably siblings), I came up with another even more alarming opinion on the matter this morning.
It just now occurred to me that some religions have at least a few prominent sages in them who gave bad advice. But if I’m right about that, then what did those sages do wrong? I think mainly they broke the rule about not dishing out what works for you without making sure it will work for the person you’re advising!
So, dear readers, the next time any one of you founds a major religion, please read my blog first! These days, seventy-six percent of all major religious founders do. Trust me on this. I complied the statistics myself. It’s was easy. I discovered all you need is some numbers and a sure-fire sense of proportions. No real math involved. Anyone can compile stats!
Questions? Comments? Plausible allegations your side of our family got all the brains?
Young man, This post is not only inflammatory, but also defamatory. You claim, and I quote, that ” Mainly, they [some religions] broke the rule about not dishing out what works for you without making sure it will work for the person you’re advising!
Are you trying to destroy honest entreprenuerism? If I –
the founder of “a Tenner A Week Ensures Rest in Paradise (Abrev. TWERP), which, incidentally, is the only true faith, and all you have to join – thereby GUARANTEEING a place pretty damn close to the Big Man’s left arm – is place £10 a week behind the cistern of the third stall from the left-side wall in the ladies public conveniences situated beside the Sushi bar in Victoria Station
had to fiddle-faddle with minor issues concerning the pathetic little issues of every individual in my church, I’d never have time to plant the dosh in my Swiss Bank Account.
And by the way, I notice you haven’t paid your subscription lately. If you don’t catch up sharpish, the boys will pay a visit, and you’ll find yourself a long way from heaven.
Warmest regards
D. Trump
LikeLike
I’ve been paying, when do I get the rest of my pairs of dice? Just checking, all praise to twerpod. 🙏🏻
LikeLiked by 1 person
Bless you my child.
LikeLike
can I get the fuzzy kind? my rear view mirror is lonely. 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
I’ve told you before, you only get the dice if you take out a lifetime subscription.
I’m having so much fun with this that I’m tempted to start it up for real 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
😏
LikeLike
Dear Dee,
I see you’ve been cross-dressing as the president of a now-declining nation again. Tsk. Tsk. Your last scam was bad enough, but at least no one bought your pitch that you were collecting money to clothe strippers for the winter months, poor things. But this time, you’ve likely struck gold — if you can’t make religion pay off, you can’t find where the door is.
LikeLiked by 3 people
Damnit. You’ve blown my cover.
LikeLiked by 1 person
My boyfriend keeps wanting me to start a Gnostic cult, but I’m worried about the bureaucracy and paperwork involved. Are there any good money managers who specialize in religious start-ups?
LikeLiked by 1 person
Good question, Sir!
As an important blogger to the religious community, I do believe you can find a good specialist if you look hard enough. Failing that,find a sixteen year old choir boy and “raise him up right” — it’s a tried and proven path to success in the religion industry.
Beyond that, you should be able to find some popular software nowadays that will help you get started. Check out SCAM.com for reviews.
I’m always honored to help with spiritual pursuits,
Paul
LikeLiked by 2 people
the problem with funding gnostic cults is that the monthly take may start as a pretty big pile of cash, but then usually dissipates from the crass materialism of this fallen sphere into a vaguely defined ether that dances just beyond our perception. Getting a money manager that specializes in gnostic cults only speeds up the process.
LikeLike
Paul, I’m glad to know that the benefits of reading cafe philos include the wisdom needed to found a religion! I wish you’d mentioned this earlier.
LikeLike
Me too, Jon! I’m sure it would have helped with your cult of 36 nubile tMRI junkies. But you do seem to be doing alright anyway! Size doesn’t matter, Jon. I’ve told myself that ever I had six inches shot off in the war.
LikeLike