Humor, Teresums

“Payback, Paul! There Shall be Payback!”

(About a 2 minute read)

TERESUMS: Hello?

PAUL: Quick, damn it! Get your precious, rotor-routing finger out of your nose and answer me! What does this devilishly handsome, soon-to-be-a-Nobel-Prize-winner blogger need to blog about this morning? Meaning: What do my flesh-eaters crave like crack this time? Cough it up or this day die!

TERESUMS: Paul! It’s three in the bloody morning Sydney time!

PAUL: Sydney time’s not god’s time, twisted child. Fact is, no place in Oz is close to god — or anything else, for that matter – except New Zealand, which you Aussies are quite obviously too close to.  Just like Kiwis are way too emotionally close to their sheep, if you ask me. If I was a Kiwi, I wouldn’t want one of you standing too close behind me unless I was just begging for some PTSD.

TERESUM: That’s not kind, Paul.  That’s cruel to both peoples. Shame!

PAUL: Got it! Kindness! Vastly over-rated. Scrub it! Toss it! Replace with porn binges!  Post Title: “Random Acts of Lust and Depravity: The New Kindness.”   Now, what else should I toss my flesh-eaters? Answer me quicker than a conservative cums!

TERESUMS: I swear by all the avatars of Vishnu, Paul, you have never understood even one single word I’ve ever spoken to you.  I still mean it.  I could kill you, Paul.  The hunger never dies.

PAUL: Right! Now you’re thinking like me. Post Title: “Exposé Hinduism! The Little Known Cult of Undying Hatreds That’s More Murderous than 1000 Afghani Truck Bombs!”  Next one, or the beatings start again!

TERESUMS: You realize don’t you, Paul, there’s only one reason I stay friends with you, and that’s to make sure you will never get any more friends ever, you drunk piece of Perkle-squat!

PAUL: Awesome! Post Title: “Scandal! The Vengeful Harbor Sluts of Sydney and the Shocking Real Reason They Go Down Under!” The flesh-eaters will be satiated for minutes now — minutes! — bless their hungry, tiny souls.

TERESUMS: Payback, Paul! There shall be payback, and it’s going to be hellish for you!  AND I AM NOT YOUR WOMAN! Paul?  Are you still there, Paul?  Paul!

8 thoughts on ““Payback, Paul! There Shall be Payback!””

  1. Note to self: Put the ball gag on before reading anymore of Paul’s articles. That sharp crack of laughter in the middle of the night, echoed down the halls like the report of a gunshot. One of us is responsaiable for a hairs breath of waking up the entire house with manical laughter and well I’m looking at you, Paul.

    1. Ball gag? Don’t get me all hot and excited! Teresums absolutely refuses to wear a ball gag, and has suspiciously applied for both a passport and an Australian gun permit instead. Should I be alarmed?

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