Judgementalism destroyed my first marriage, killed her heart for me. It was helped along by many other factors, of course, including one factor far more important than it: Irreconcilable differences.
But judgmentalism was perhaps the second most important factor, and one that had no excuse of being necessary. She could have done without it, and so could have I.
Of course, it took a long time for me to see the significance to my marriage of judgmentalism. I was in my late 30s when I at last got around to closely examining it, and that was in connection with a young woman I loved.
Love and judgementalism are mortal enemies. Throw them in the same ring together and one or the other dies. Some folks — usually an abused partner — believe both can thrive together, but that’s simply not true. If you take care to closely observe the matter, you will see for yourself that where the one is, the other is not.
To be sure, you can take pleasure in someone while judging them. It’s just that you cannot love them. I mention that because so many of us mistake the pleasure we get from someone — along with our desire for more of it — mistake it for love.
Please note: I speak here of unconditional love, which is fairly rare. Unconditional love, in my experience, is incompatible with judgementalism. However, there are several kinds of love, and the others do indeed seem compatible.
Can judgementalism be brought to an end? I do not think so. At least, not through any ordinary means, for it seems to be a function of consciousness itself. As long as we are conscious, we are judging people and things.
However, it seems to me we can greatly ameliorate judgmentalism by becoming acutely aware of it, and then refusing to take our judgments seriously when it is neither useful nor necessary to do so.