PAUL: Out with it! Do virgins lust for cock more than vibrators, or vibrators more than cock?
TERESUMS: Is this your idea of a pleasant conversation, Paul?
PAUL: I’ve got to know. I’ve got to know whether to get my new girlfriend’s mom a stripping male telegram or a dildo. Die immediately or divulge the truth!
TERESUMS: Your friend’s mom is a virgin? Paul, that makes no sense.
PAUL: She’s divorced. Hasn’t had her nookie accessorized in decades. I figure it’s reverted to pristine virginity by now.
TERESUMS: You can’t get her a male telegram, Paul. That’s prostitution. It’s illegal in America everywhere outside of Nevada and Washington, D.C.
PAUL: You’re wrong about that. Dead wrong. It’s not prostitution, it’s freedom of speech — speech delivered by ejaculation. I looked it up, “To ejaculate” means “to exclaim” means “to speak”. The Constitution guarantees the right to ejaculate all you want and even in public. Just try to prove me wrong!
TERESUMS: Paul, you’re as crazy as a moon rocket gone wrong and hellbent on taking a bath in the Mariana’s Trench.
PAUL: And just what’s wrong with my way of telling my girlfriend’s mother I’d do her too, if it wouldn’t be awkward?
TERESUMS: What? That’s what you’re trying to tell her? That she’s a piece of meat to you?
PAUL: She’ll be flattered someone still wants to lick her launch button, despite her being a virgin, you know.
TERESUMS: Goodbye, Paul.