(About a 2 minute read)
My Beloved Flesh-Eaters,
For several years now, Carla has been a loyal and frequent reader of Café Philos, despite all my fervent efforts to discourage her so I wouldn’t need to work so hard coming up with new posts to satiate her bizarre cravings for my views and opinions.
I’ve tried everything. Every reasonable thing.
I’ve shamelessly presumed on her good nature by calling her alarmingly familiar names, such as “friend”, “dear”, and “You there”, and “Captain Carla Cookie-Meister”.
I’ve inflicted upon her years and years of insufferable opinions on this very blog about every topic I can think of, including several topics I can’t think straight about for the life of me.
I’ve alarmingly escalated the absurdity of those opinions year after year, thinking she’d soon enough drop from PTSD like most of my long-term readers.
When that hasn’t worked, I’ve gleefully cyber-stalked her to her Blogger Blog, and left my insufferable opinions right under her nose.
Today, I learned she’s actually escalated her response out of all proportion to my offensive campaign. Carla has gone and gotten a WordPress blog! Yes, an easy-to-read and comment on WordPress blog!
The gall of that woman!
So now I need your help. I need you to go to her blog at your soonest convenience, read her posts, comment on them, and show her what it’s like to be enslaved to your reader’s insatiable lusts for more and ever stranger and stranger blog meat.
No one is reading her yet. She has no clue at all about the devastation she wreaks on me.
I wouldn’t be asking if I weren’t desperate. I’m begging. I’m begging you to show her the agony I go through keeping up with her dark and twisted desires for dripping fresh posts.
And while you’re at it, please do the same to Isabella, too. The gods know she’s been a thorn in my fanny for years without end.
Please. Please help.