PAUL: What are you up to?
TERESUMS: What? No initial insults about me wanking or picking my nose? Paul, are you sick? Sick? By Vishnu! You must be on your deathbed. But since you ask so civilly, I’ll tell you. I was cleaning. Cleaning my room and some garbage out back.
PAUL: You clean your garbage before putting it out to be picked up? How…interesting. To be honest, I was more comfortable when you sat around all day trying to decide between picking your nose, wanking yet another time, and scratching your butt. If this is the new you, I’m not enjoying it.
TERESUMS: I knew it! I just knew I wasn’t lucky enough you’d be on your deathbed dying. The whole world has had bad luck ever since you voted for Trump on the grounds he’d bring “sanity” back to the White House.
PAUL: I did NOT vote for Trump. I wrote myself in like I always do. Enough with the idle chit-chat. “EXPOSÉ: Ayatollah Khomeini Has Returned as a Zombie and is Ruling Iran from a Sex Dungeon in Tehran!” Works? Doesn’t Work? Answer me in 15 seconds or death comes with tomorrow’s sunrise!
TERESUMS: I refuse to take any responsibility for your no-doubt parasite-induced dementia, Paul. I refuse!
PAUL: Then I want my Russian-made Dancing Bear “Hero-of-the-Federation” Dildo returned to me on the very next air cargo flight out of Sydney.
TERESUMS: No way! You gave it for my birthday! It’s mine now.
PAUL: Return it!
PAUL: Hello? Hello? HELLO?