Humor, People, Teresums

“Don’t You Understand the Logic Here?”

(About a 2 minute read)

TERESUMS:  Hello?  Colorado Springs Mental Health Center?  One of your patients has escaped and is calling random people in Australia.  Yes, Paul Sunstone.  I just now got off the phone from him.  Agitated?  I’d say he was quite agitated.  I suspect 30 days is the minimum you’ll want to keep him in a straight jacket.

PAUL:  Hah hah.  I can tell sitting around all day with nothing more fascinating to do than scratch your butt has finally addled your brains.  Do you really think I don’t know you have caller ID and knew it was me calling?

TERESUMS:  I don’t suppose this is a courtesy wake up call, although it is 3:02 AM local time.  Considerate as always, Paul.

PAUL: This is an emergency.  An emergency, you hear?  My flesh-eaters are upon me.  I can hear their emails clawing to get out of my inbox.  I haven’t posted anything in over six hours to satiate their unholy lust for dripping fresh blogging because I’m stuck.  The post I’m working on has stumped me.  Completely stumped me.

TERESUMS:  What’s the post on?  By which I mean, which religion or person’s sexuality are you telling exaggerated stories about this time?

PAUL: None.  I’m writing an exposé about people who abuse other people…

TERESUMS: You should know all about that.

PAUL: …It’s a public service post designed to help people avoid abuse…

TERESUMS:  Paul, that’s wonderful.  You’re finally showing your human side. I knew my faith in you wasn’t misplaced, no matter what your brothers told me.  I’m genuinely touched you are at last trying to do some good in this world.

PAUL: That’s why I need you.  I’m stumped.  Click on your email.  You’ll find my manuscript.  I need you to finish it up chop chop!  Before my flesh-eaters totally swamp my inbox, bless their twisted little souls.

TERESUMS:  I’d be honored to help you, Paul.  Will the article be credited to “Teresums and Paul” or to “Paul and Teresums”?  Oh, it doesn’t really matter.  Either one will do.

PAUL:  “Teresums”?  But the idea of asking you to write it was mine — hence, the credit is to me alone.  Don’t you understand the logic here?  Makes perfect sense to me.  Teresums?  TERESUMS?  Are you still there?


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