TERESUMS: If this is Paul Sunstone, I’m not home.
PAUL: Very hilarious. I’ll certainly set aside some time this month to laugh at your joke. Right now I need answers chop chop! What makes someone a great lover? Answer me this instant or your head will roll! My flesh eaters are waiting for a dripping fresh post.
TERESUMS: Have you forgotten I’m a virgin, Paul?
PAUL: Bark up an answer now! What did your Chinese-made Lucky Dragon’s Tongue vibrator do that first made you realize you were in love with it? I mean, besides the obvious.
TERESUMS: Easy. It had a better personality than you.
PAUL: Got it! “Sydney Harbor Slut Confesses: Paul’s Gift to Me Made Me a Woman!”
TERESUMS: The only thing your gift did was eat up six packages of batteries in three days, sucked everyone of them dry. Oh my Vishnu! No! No, I didn’t say that!
PAUL: Got it! “Exposé: Harbor Slut Sucks Fleet’s Sailors Dry in Three Day Orgy of Bhagavad Gita Proportions!”
TERESUMS: I give up. I surrender. I’m through trying to reform you, Paul. I merely aim to murder you now.