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A Flock of Sparrows for Majel: The Love that Only Turns You Lonely

A Flock of Sparrows for Majel

(About a 3 minute read)

I’m confused, Marissa.
You who so often see the truths beneath the lies,
What did you expect but loneliness?
What did you expect when you married Jim?

You would hear no blame in my words, Marissa,
If you could hear their tone.
You would hear no faulting in my voice, Marissa,
If you were here with me this morning
And we in each other’s sunny arms.

You would hear only curiosity.
Deep and profound
You would hear only curiosity.

You who have so often seen sharp the truths
I myself have never mapped, or have but half-mapped,
How could you have so wholly over-looked
That Jim’s love for you,
That Jim’s kind of love for you,
Could turn you no other way but lonely?

The world told you its lies, yes I know. I know that.
But the world is always telling us lies, Marissa,
Why I wonder did you tattoo this one on your chest,
When you have kept your free-spirited skin
Clean of so many other of the world’s incessant lies?

I’ve done the very same thing as you.
I’ve done it more than once,
But I have dimmer eyes than yours,
And your spirit is just as free as mine.

Were we twins in this?
Were our reasons the same?
I can believe that’s possible,
But I cannot believe it’s likely.
Your eyes see deeper than mine.
And your eyes have always seen further than mine.

I’m confused, Marissa.
You phoned last night just past three o’clock,
Your back broken under the weight of your self-revelations.
How could you have not seen the world’s lies until now?
I can be a hawk, but you, Marissa, are an eagle.
How could your eyes have not seen?

The loneliness in your voice could have shaken mountains.
I’m not ashamed it shook me until it broke me.
I’m not ashamed I wept with you,
Until the both of us were submerged
Together beneath the same avalanche of sorrow.

But you needed more than tears last night, Marissa,
You needed arms.

You did not see the world’s lie
When it said to you “attachment is acceptance”.

You did not see the world’s lie
When it said to you “attachment is appreciation”.

You did not see the world’s lie
When it said to you “attachment is understanding”.

You did not see the world’s lie
When it said to you “attachment is true love”.

But Marissa, I’m just curious,
When has emotional dependency ever been love?

But Marissa, I’m just curious,
When has corded love ever set the spirit free?

But Marissa,  I’m just curious,
When has something deserved or earned
Ever been a freely given gift?

But Marissa, I’m just curious,
When has possession ever been intimacy?

But Marissa, I’m just curious,
When has Jim’s love for you,
Ever been your love for Jim?

When has the world’s love ever been
More than the lonely, cold shadows of love?

Was it your blue-grey eyes that failed you with Jim?
I’m guessing that’s not true.

I think 11 years ago you were running
From your break up with Patrick.

I think this morning, Patrick and Jim back then
Must have been like a wind from two quarters
That carried the dust to your eyes
No matter which way you turned.

I think there must have been dust in your eyes
When you stumbled and fell into Jim’s bed.

And I know, Marissa,
There is no loneliness in this world
Felt greater or deeper than the loneliness
Felt sharing a house and a bed,

Than the loneliness
Felt sharing a cold house and a colder bed.
Sharing them with someone,

Who rejects you for who you are.
No matter how attached they are to you,
Still rejects you for who you are.

I know there is no loneliness
Felt greater than that.

6 thoughts on “A Flock of Sparrows for Majel: The Love that Only Turns You Lonely”

  1. Oh Paul, I’m such a slow reader…. my physio told me I must drink more water, so been to have a drink, I came back to your poem, I was feeling hungry, my dietitian told me not to eat fatty snacks, so I went and chopped up myself a carrot, I came back to your poem, but my music wasn’t playing, so I had to set up who I wanted to listen too, my latest artist is Lola Marsh, I’ll send you one her songs I’m using with my poem tomorrow, I came back to your poem, and suddenly I thought of a word for my poem I’m writing, I came back to your poem , see I told you I was a slow reader, it’s now an hour after I started the first line of your poem.
    Well with grit and determination, I’ve read your poem, a fascinating read Paul, this stanza stood out for me.
    “The world told you its lies, yes I know. I know that.
    But the world is always telling us lies, Marissa,
    Why I wonder did you tattoo this one on your chest,
    When you have kept your free-spirited skin
    Clean of so many other of the world’s incessant lies?”
    I wear no tattoo on my taunt skin, but I must tell you my second name is Loneliness……
    Here’s the song Paul, I think you’ll enjoy her intriguing sound.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Good to hear from you, Ivor! Thanks for the vid. Marsh has quite the unique style — not just in her voice, but in how she moves while singing. The latter was fascinating.

    I take it the poem was passably good. That’s the sort of thing that cheers me on to my next insufferable infliction of verse upon the world.

    Glad to hear you have no taste for the world’s tattoos. But quite sorry about the loneliness. It seems epidemic these days. Maybe it’s always been so.

    What’s your next poem going to cover?

    Like

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