To my friend, Terese Bozdas.
Once I stood on the trembling ice
Of a mountain torrent in winter
Surrounded by granite boulders
And dared the wild waters to drown me.
I had lost my wife.
I had lost my home.
I had lost my hopes.
I had lost my dreams.
And I dared the wild ice
Beneath me to break.
It is curious how you can sometimes
Be so numb the desire to die
Is the only thing
That makes you feel alive.
It was only when you came to me
Some years later
Singing songs of friendship,
Singing songs of compassion,
That I felt at last
The rebirth, the renewal
Of Spring.
‘the desire to die
Is the only thing
That makes you feel alive.’ May be death feels liberating and easier than living through each day.
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I think a whole lot of depressed people feel that way. I myself never have. Not even in the worse depressions of my life have I felt death would be better. But I have a few times done things to dare death to take me so that I might desire life enough to feel somewhat less numb.
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I wonder if there is a solution to this? ‘Should I give up or should I just keep chasing pavements even if it leads nowhere’!
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Amazing…..
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