“Bad Poem! Bad Poem!”

Writing a poem
Is like training a dog.

The poem loves you.
It loves you and it is loyal to you.
It is loyal to you and it wants to obey you – but
But sometimes…

Sometimes it looks at you, cocks its head,
And just does not understand what you
Are telling it to do.

You want it to bark and growl and bite – but
It thinks you want it to fetch,
So it drops your slippers
At the feet of the thief
Who broke into your house.

Or it looks at you, cocks its head,
And is on the edge,
On the very edge
Of understanding you,
Of getting you,
Of getting you at last — but
And it’s off racing in a direction
You never wanted it to go.

I love my poems, but I can get upset,
I can raise my voice.

“Bad poem! Bad poem!
No treat for you!”

Sometimes I yell it, really yell it.
“Bad poem! Bad poem!”

My neighbor is shocked.

She phones me, “You’re cruel! Cruel!
I’ll call the Society on you!”

I tell her, “The American Poet’s Society
Is not the American Humane Society.”

She doesn’t listen.

And neither does the Poet’s Society.
They send their inspector around.
“Sir, we’ve had a report.”

“A what?”

“A report, Sir.”

You still don’t think poems are like doggies?
You still doubt me?

Then explain to me how come,
How come it is always just about then
That my poem drops my very best slippers
Right at the inspector’s feet.

11 thoughts on ““Bad Poem! Bad Poem!””

      1. Do you prefer puppies, or do you at least at times get an older dog? Growing up, all of our dogs were strays.

        In fact, the best dog I ever had was a stray. We think Ted had been intended to be someone’s hunting dog, but that when he didn’t work out (he was horribly gun shy), the guy just dumped him. He turned out to be an excellent friend and companion for my brothers and me when we were growing up.


  1. Haha I love that. Especially the part about the Inspector. It puts me in mind of the inspections I must endure at work, and how they can potentially result in fines and punishments for transgressions. I imagine the Compliance Officer for the State Board of Poetry delving into my poems and grimly ticking off items on his checklist while I nervously stand by. Will he take away my license to write poetry? Or fine me for breaking poetry rules? This makes me laugh. Thanks, Paul.

    Liked by 1 person

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