“If you are not crazy, you have not been paying attention to the world.” — Paul Sunstone
I was thinking tonight what if I happened to be fondling your butt and we were lovers, but not really friends. Would I be fondling your butt any differently than if we were friends?
And I think, yeah, I think I would be. I think — if we were not friends — I would be fondling your butt mostly for my own sake. But if we were indeed friends, then I’d be fondling your butt for both our sakes. I would want us both to win.
Just a reflection I had tonight after overhearing someone yesterday at my corner coffee shop tell her girlfriend that she didn’t want to date some guy because he was her friend — and she didn’t want to risk losing him as a friend.
Hah! Wish I could fondle her butt! I’d show her the error of her ways!
(Inexplicably, she declined my offer of participating in a scientific experiment to test her hypothesis about sex and friendship. Even went so far as to call me “a dirty old man”! Me! The twenty-somethings these days! Not at all as friendly as we were back in my day. She wouldn’t even tell me her name. There are no sensible people left! It’s all cold, aloof wackos out there now! Nutjobs and wackos!)
All the best,
“The fewer the words, the more they punch.
“The fewer the words, the less anyone hears something new.
“Two hundred and eighty-eight characters are for those who would repeat to me what is already in my head.
“Economize when telling me what I already know, but speak whatever volumes you must to show me new worlds.”
— Paul Sunstone (I have spoken, your turn now).
“What is the meaning of life?” But isn’t, “What makes you feel alive?”, the better question?
Like most folks, people now and then tell me they do not feel alive. When they tell me such things, I almost always hear, after discussing it with them, “I am not being true enough to who I am.”
An easy thing to fall into these days, I think.
Inspired by a post on Miriam’s blog.
To me, humanity was created in the image of Ted. Well, at least one crucial aspect of humanity was created in his image.
Ted was someone I met on a religious website a few years ago. He’s gone now, but his scent lingers on much like the scent of those good folks who wear so much perfume that you can tell they’ve been in a room up to 45 minutes or so after they left it. Ted left the website years ago, but his scent has yet to leave it. Folks still talk about Ted.
Quite unfortunately, Ted was one of those people who give Christians a bad name, for he was one of those who make notes in the margins of their Bibles. You know, notes correcting Jesus. “Sorry Dude, but the meek don’t inherit nothing.”
The only people on the website who loved Ted were those people who love to hate Christians. Which was ironic because Ted’s BIG THEME was that Christians are persecuted by every and all non-Christian on the planet. But it’s kind of hard to say his theme was true because Ted’s enemies loved him. At least, they were mostly the only ones who would speak to him.
One day Ted decided he’d had enough of me and my evil ways. “Sunstone, I know why you don’t capitalize God.” That came out of the blue. I wasn’t speaking to him.
“You hate God and want to demean Him in the eyes and mind of the world.”
That’s good to know, Ted, I’m always enthusiastic to learn more about myself. Here are links to three grammarians on when to capitalize “god” and when not to. Got to run! I just finished a portrait painting and I don’t want to miss a moment more of its drying process!
Strangely, Ted failed to get the hint. “Those links are to atheist websites, Sunstone, and even if they are not atheists, they don’t know what they’re talking about, and even if they know what they’re talking about, they’re wrong.”
Got to hand it to Ted, his logic was every bit as ideologically driven as the logic of that famous atheist, Ayn Rand. That’s to say, neither he nor Ayn ever much bothered to check their reasoning against reality.
Indeed, just about every human I’ve known well in my life now and then substitutes a falsehood they cherish for ideological reasons — substitutes the falsehood for truth, including me. And that’s why I’m convinced we were all created in Ted’s image.
Is it a good idea to go through life only seeking and accepting allies? Is that the best way to live a good life and to flourish?
Naturally, even I am not fool enough to suggest we never need allies, but I have started to wonder whether our age has not turned into an age of allies? Consider how people on the internet so routinely seek out information bubbles. That is, websites and news sources that almost never challenge their views, opinions, or thoughts on any topic.
Then again, who among us has not been dumped and frozen out by at least one of our 600 closest internet friends for one or another trivial reason?
Dumped, frozen out, and usually vilified.
“I swear by both the testicles and the ovaries of the gods, Sarah, you’re a liar for thinking chocolate ice cream is the best.”
“Think of they children, Ivor! Think of their tender, impressionable minds the next time you state which real life café is best!”
“Great Pillars of Fire, Huguetta! Could you ever possibly be more wrong about lipsticks.”
“Commas, Kat, commas! Lose those excessive commas or drop dead!”
Granted I’m exaggerating, but by how much? How much of an exaggeration is it these days to say people have become intolerant of differences?
Perhaps instead of always seeking allies to call “friends”, we should now and then seek out a few of those good folks who are willing to tolerate the differences between us and them.
So it seems to me — even if to no one else — that some of the good folks who have loved me in my years wanted me to be true to myself, and did what they reasonably could to validate, encourage, and affirm me in that way.
And some who loved me did not express their love in that way.
Oddly perhaps, both kinds of lovers could feel deeply their love for me. Seems to me the depth of someone’s love has little to do with its nature and kind.
Have you also noticed how dangerously charming abusers bait their fatal hooks with the very same beautiful things as true lovers? How many of us fall for being validated, encouraged, and affirmed!
Men and women both fall for it, but I think women the most often. Sometimes an abuser is the first person in their lives to come across as appreciating their kindness, their intelligence, their wisdom, their dreams for themselves — even sometimes their looks.
Boys usually have had an honest admirer or two before they start dating. But not so often girls. And abusers bait their hooks.
My advice (were you fool enough to ask)? Girls! Women! Make those boys and men court you! Rise up for yourselves and make them work their butts off for you! Hold out until you honestly trust the guys! Yeah, things will still go wrong now and then — but a whole lot less often.
And boys and men! Hold out yourselves until you honestly trust her! Do it like your lives depended on it. Because, you know, in a way — they do.