Advice, Alienation From Self, Authenticity, Being True To Yourself, Coffee Shop Folks, Jackie, Love, Lovers, People, Poetry, Quality of Life, Relationships

Does Someone Love You Now?

(About a 4 minute read)

Do you remember now those decades ago
On the porch of the Oak House?

The evening you wrapped us in a thin blanket
Elbow to elbow in solidarity
Against the October chill?

We listened to the coyotes calling to the late sun
And waited for the night
And waited for the comet
That hung above the San Luis Valley that year.

You were a girl then. Seventeen and sick with worry
The boys would never want you —
Want you enough to stick with you
Beyond the sex you gave them,
Want you enough that the love you felt
Would ever be returned.

I was forty-three — and twenty-six were the years between us,
The years you reached across to ask me in earnest:

“What must I become,
What must I turn myself into
To earn a boy’s love?”

That afternoon on a bed of moss and stone
You had fallen asleep next to me
In the shallow water of the Upper Pool.

Small bubbles formed on your pubic hair like silver jewels,
Sun and shadows raced and swirled across your satin skin,
Something older than the gods spoke
In your graceful curves, spoke in an ancient tongue
Of your youth and your fertility

And I could not believe
Anyone so beautiful

And I could not believe
Anyone

Could feel so alone.

Do you remember now those decades ago, Jackie,
When you bravely reached across the years between us,

When you broke open your heart,
When in the growing dusk
You called off your guards,
And in the gloom
Surrendered your proud walls,
In order to reveal to me naked and honest
Your desires and your fears?

Do you remember now your lips were trembling,
Trembling as you spoke,
And not from the cold?

You were seventeen years old
But a hundred years tired that night,

Tired and worn,

Chased down,
Cornered and numb

From how the boys would lie and use you cruel,
From how they had taken the least,
Ignored the rest,
And left the best of you behind.

You spoke of a hollow chest,
You spoke of an emptiness,
You spoke of a twilight
Through which winds of loneliness twisted and wailed
By night and by day.

And you spoke of a growing hatred,
An exhausting hatred for yourself,
A quicksand sucking you down.

You were so sure no boy could love you
Ever

Unless you could become an alchemist

And with estranging fires and poisons
Turn the lead you thought you were
Into the gold you thought you must become.

Tonight I wonder what you have become
In the cauldron of the two decades
That have passed since I told you,
Urged you, that night on the porch
Not to hide yourself beneath a mask,
Not even a mask of gold.

I all but begged you to be true to yourself —

True so someone could love you for who you are.
True so that someone
Could love you Jackie
For who you are.

I ached that night for you to make my words
Your path and your road, your light and your guiding star.
I ached that night for my words to nourish you.
I ached for my words to encourage and to heal.

Did you grasp my advice?
Did you discover the meanings
That ran like a subterranean river
Beneath my words?

Did you see the truth
That I tried to point you to?

Were you able to turn the words
I spoke into something real?

Have you had the guts
To be yourself?

Tonight I wonder, Jackie,

Does someone love you now for who you are?

Or do you wear tonight a mask of gold

And the winds still twist and howl
Through the emptiness of your heart?

Advice, Authenticity, Being True To Yourself, Courtship, Free Spirit, Freedom, Friends, Fun, Human Nature, Ideas, Life, Living, Love, Lovers, Loyalty, Marriage, Oppression, Play, Quality of Life, Relationships, Sex, Values

How an Open Relationship Can be Fun and Exciting for Both You and Your Mail Carrier

“If you love somebody, set them free.  If they return to you, it’s beautiful.” — Anonymous, often falsely attributed to Richard Bach.

SUMMARY:  Open relationships in which the partners are by and large free to do as they please aren’t all roses and sparkles, but they can solve some common enough problems with more conventional relationships.

(About a 7 minute read)

Give me a free spirited woman!  After more than twenty years of being happily celibate, I most certainly wouldn’t know what to do with one, but that does not mean I would not — if the right one came along — seriously consider getting into one of those romantic thingies with her.

You know, one of those friendships where you get to do sexy stuff like…um…I forget now.  Oh yeah!  Like blow up condoms and bounce them around the bedroom together!  At least, that’s what I recall condoms are for.  I’m pretty sure they make lousy garbage can liners, so it’s logically got to be balloons, right?

Continue reading “How an Open Relationship Can be Fun and Exciting for Both You and Your Mail Carrier”

Advice, Happiness, Human Nature, Life, Living, Quality of Life, Self-determination, Talents and Skills, Teresums, Work

What Does it Mean to “Live Fully”?

SUMMARY:  An attempt to offer sage advice on how to live a fuller more fulfilling life.

(About an 8 minute read)

Like most sensible Americans these days, I do not often wonder if there’s more to life than quality Balinese Donkey Porn if there’s more to life than sex, shopping, and sports.  “What possible fun could there be in doing so?”, I ask myself, “Does thinking more deeply about the subject come with any coupons?”

Those are admittedly powerful reasons not to go down the rabbit hole of unnecessary inquiry.  Unfortunately, the ever annoying Teresums has once again proven herself insufferable by asking me what it means to “live fully”.

Continue reading “What Does it Mean to “Live Fully”?”

Advice, Art, Authenticity, Being True To Yourself, Cultural Traits, Dance, Erotic Dance, Life, Living, Performance Arts, Sex, Sexuality

How to Watch Strippers (And Why You Should Care)

SUMMARY: Common mistakes people make while watching erotic dancers, plus the best way to do it in order to fully appreciate the nature of erotic dance.

(About a 6 minute read)

It seems curious to me that — from my point of view — people first make sex a problem when it need not be a problem, then they condemn sex for the mess they’ve made of it.

Why is that so?  Why do we think sex is the problem when it’s so obvious to anyone willing to look closely at it that it’s us — our attitude and approach to it — that are the problem?

Continue reading “How to Watch Strippers (And Why You Should Care)”

Advice, Erotic Love, Human Nature, Life, Living, Love, Lovers, Quality of Life, Relationships, Sex, Sexuality

How to be a Great Lover

“Sex: In America an obsession. In other parts of the world a fact.”  ― Marlene Dietrich

SUMMARY:  The importance of being a considerate lover.

(About a 5 minute read)

Oral sex was still controversial in my rural Midwestern town when I was growing up.  Near as I can recall now, about a third of my classmates thought it was obviously unacceptable, about a third thought fellatio was alright, but cunnilingus was not, and a third accepted both forms.   Almost no one considered it obligatory.

I was in the third that wholly accepted it, and that paid off after I made my way to university and became truly sexually active.  It certainly got me a lot of compliments.  Looking back now, I can see how about the only reason the compliments were glowing was because so many people refused to perform it on women.

Continue reading “How to be a Great Lover”

Advice, Gratitude, Happiness, Life, Living, Love, Quality of Life

How to be Happy Even During Tough Times

SUMMARY: Three things that can help us be happy even through moderate tough times.

(About a 4 minute read) 

I have yet to figure out why anyone would gamble.  It seems to me life itself is so much of a gamble why pick an entertainment that isn’t much different from it?  Might as well choose to paint houses in order to distract yourself from the paint fumes.

Of course, one of the biggest gambles in life is the pursuit of happiness.  Even Thomas Jefferson believed our only right was to pursue it — there being no right or guarantee to attaining it.  And — either I’ve been reading the wrong self-help literature — or just about everyone, even the people who map out strategies for other folks to be happy, is pretty sure that there are times when life is simply too tough to be happy.

Continue reading “How to be Happy Even During Tough Times”

Advice, Human Nature, Life, Living, Love, Lovers, Marriage, New Love, Quality of Life, Relationships, Romantic Love, Sex, Sexuality

A Simple Trick for Overcoming the Fear of Rejection

SUMMARY:  The fear of rejection seems to be rampant in young men and women.  It is, however, a dangerous thing to fear, for it can cause you to — among other things — settle for much less than you want or need.

(About a 4 minute read)

If dragons were real, and young men and women were given the choice of either slaying one with a wooden sword or — alternatively — striking up a conversation with an attractive young man or woman they had not yet met, you could lay money on it that, every Spring morning, the sound of whittling boards into swords would be deafening.

Continue reading “A Simple Trick for Overcoming the Fear of Rejection”