Emotions, Family, Love, Parental Love, Passion, Poetry

Of All That Her Heart Ever Past to Mine

(About a 2 minute read)

I am grateful to my mother
For her last words to me
Which she spoke months
Before her death at 99.

She was by then bound
To a wheelchair, her body
Scared from operations
And with parts missing
That had betrayed her
Long before the day
She last spoke to me.

She was not always there,
Drifted in and out at times.
Mostly out. Long ago
Her wonderful mind
Began confusing itself.
Her personality changed too.
Now she could be rude
And aggressive, callous
And cruel.

It froze my heart,
Hurt like ice on fire,
When she was like that,
So much someone else.
So much already gone.

Though she was never
Like that to me.
Only the kind staff
At her final home.

And I resented
That I’d lost her —
Her wisdom, insight,
Humor and advice.

I could yearn,
Like an infant yearns
To suckle a breast,
To hear her witty
Observations again.

My brother called me
From her room
But she was too deaf
To hear me over the phone,

And maybe didn’t know
What was going on at all.

Then she caught on

And I heard “Is that Paul?”

Suddenly her voice was young,
Twenty years younger and clean,
Clean as a huge boulder
After a mountain storm.

Crisp as a Hawk’s beak,
And out-stretching to me
Like an eagle’s wings.

Her voice rose
Like a sacred breeze,
And she with passionate force,
So forceful that I felt
Her turning her head
Towards the phone:

“I love you, Paul!”

The words were words
Commonly said by moms
But they were alive.

Yes her words were true,
But also a final summation
Of her life with me,
Of my life with her.

Of all that her heart
Ever passed to mine,
Of all of the gifts
My mother ever gave me,

None was finer than
Her last.


This poem was inspired by Tylor J. Mintz’s Love From Another Place.

Alienation, Apathy, Human Nature, Impermance, Life, Love

Were We Fated to Come to This?

(About a 1 minute read)

You sit in your chair
I sit on my couch
Our eyes sharing
Only the TV screen.

Which might as well now
Be a wall between us
That excuses us
From looking
At each other.

You hear me
Without speaking,
You speak to me
Without hearing, too.

Has it come to this?

Come at last to us,
The couple whose laughter
Once made strangers
Giggle and smile?

The pair whose eyes
Danced in candlelight
Across a small table
We both complained
Separated us by miles.

You could not touch
My skin nearly enough
Back when our days
Seemed dew-strewn.

Were we the two lovers
We once saw on the lake
Standing in the fires
Of a burning sunset?

Or was that someone,
Someone else now?

Now when I hear
Your heart beating
It sounds to me
Like a dog barking,
Raging against its chain,
Trying for its life
To jerk free.

Was it fated for us
To come so far
Just to come to this?

Are all couples now
Fated to come so far,
Just to come to this?

I’ll leave you
Tomorrow
If I can’t
Leave you today.

It’s for your best
And for mine —
My last ember of love,
The last one that’s left,
The last thing
I can do for you now.

Agape, Altruism, Art, Authenticity, Awe, Beauty, Being True To Yourself, Brotherly Love, Children, Community, Creativity, Dance, Education, Emotions, Enlightenment, Erotic Dance, Erotic Love, Ethics, Extended Family, Fairness, Family, Free Spirit, Freedom, Freedom and Liberty, Friends, Fun, Giving, Happiness, Honesty, Horniness, Human Nature, Humanism, Humanities, Ideas, Love, Lovers, Loyalty, Mature Love, Morality, Mysticism, Nature, New Love, Parental Love, Passion, Peace, People, Philos, Redemption, Romantic Love, Science, Self-determination, Self-Integration, Self-Knowledge, Self-Realization, Sense of Relatedness, Sex, Sexuality, Society, Spirituality, Talents and Skills, Transformative Experience, Unconditional Love, Vacilando, Wisdom

The Importance of Redemption

(About a 5 minute read)

I sometimes get the impression that plenty of us tackle the big ideas in life almost the day we escape our cribs for the first time.

“Gurk! Life is mine to seize! I see it clearly now.  I shall be my own hero. Gerp!” Or, “Poppels! But our capacity to love is what most defines us as moral. Twurks!  What’s this?  Why, it must be what what ma-ma calls, ‘poo’.  And look!  It’s endlessly shape-able!”

Continue reading “The Importance of Redemption”

Anxiety, Being True To Yourself, Conservative, Creative Thinking, Creativity, Fear, Free Spirit, Fun, Human Nature, Life, Oppression, Passion, People, Self, Self Identity, Self Image, Self-determination, Self-Knowledge, Spirituality

Our Fear of New Things

(About a 4 minute read)

“Somehow, as adults, we think we have to be perfect at everything that we do. So instead of trying something new, we don’t because we don’t want to make a fool of ourselves.”  — Jennifer Koshak

My mother had a genuine conservative streak in her. By “genuine”, I mean she sought all her life to save the best of what she found in life, to conserve the things of great value to her.

Along with her conservative streak, however, she loved to try new things.  New foods, especially — at least, so long as they were not spicy hot.

Continue reading “Our Fear of New Things”

Abuse, Alienation From Self, Bad Ideas, Courtship, Cultural Traits, Culture, Don, Erotic Love, Free Spirit, Fun, Guilt, Late Night Thoughts, New Love

Late Night Thoughts: Buttons and Trolls, Courtship and Regrets, Fake Knowledge, Brick Walls, and More (August 13, 2018)

(About a 3 minute read)

There are so many toxic people and places on the net — villainous people who will jump you, not for money, but out of gratuitous outrage, or for some ideology they’re too dull to know better than to swallow whole.

Bloggers have it best.  Almost no trolls.  Every blog comes with a ban button, you see, in order to put the kids to bed so that the adults can have a conversation.

♦♦♦

If humans had better foresight, there just would not be a whole lot of men who fail to ever ask out that woman.  You know, that woman they’re going to keenly regret never having made an effort for, never having courted at all — regret in about twenty years.

Continue reading “Late Night Thoughts: Buttons and Trolls, Courtship and Regrets, Fake Knowledge, Brick Walls, and More (August 13, 2018)”

Alienation, Alienation From Self, Attached Love, Attachment, Authenticity, Being True To Yourself, Courage, Delusion, Emotional Dependency, Emotions, Free Spirit, Freedom, Happiness, Human Nature, Life, Love, Oppression, Passion, Self, Self Identity, Self Image, Self-determination, Self-Knowledge, Self-Realization, Spirituality, Transformative Experience, Wisdom

Living Within Our Walls

(About a 3 minute read)

It seems to be an exceptionally well recognized fact — albeit still very much a curious one — that most teens and adults have built psychological walls around themselves.

Growing up, I thought that was such a common thing for older people to do that I recall thinking walling yourself off was the mark of an adult — was what distinguished an adult from a child just as much as their size.  And — in a way — maybe that really is true.

What do most of us think of our walls?

Continue reading “Living Within Our Walls”

Alienation From Self, Angst, Anhedonism, Anxiety, Attached Love, Attachment, Buddhism, Delusion, Depression, Emotional Dependency, Emotions, Fear, Fun, Gluttony, Greed, Happiness, Human Nature, Life, Love, Lovers, Marriage, New Love, Quality of Life, Romantic Love, Self, Self-Knowledge, Sex, Wisdom

Pleasure is Like a Fire: It Warms You or it Burns

(About a 6 minute read)

I will be among the last people on earth to become an ascetic.   The idea of rejecting pleasure — all pleasure — for any reason gut-punches me.  It’s alien, it’s unnecessary, it’s outrageous.

Or at least that’s what my instincts tell me.  Whatever the reason, I simply wasn’t born to be an ascetic.  Not my path at all.  Someone else may “get” asceticism, benefit from it, but not me.

So it might seem curious to some of you that I have gone a full two years in my life without even once laughing out loud.  Not once in two years.

Continue reading “Pleasure is Like a Fire: It Warms You or it Burns”