Adolescence, Adolescent Sexuality, Attachment, Authenticity, Being True To Yourself, Coffee Shop Folks, Coffee Shop Stories, Family, Fatherless Children, Fatherless Daughters, Fatherless Girls, Friends, Human Nature, Jackie, Jerks, Judgementalism, Life, Living, Love, Lovers, Mental and Emotional Health, Obsession, People, Quality of Life, Relationships, Sarah, Self, Self Identity, Self Image, Self-determination, Self-Knowledge, Sex, Sexuality, Society

All the Young Women

SUMMARY: I take a look at the women I met some years ago in Colorado Springs, and then draw a few conclusions about the challenges they faced at that time in their lives.

(About a 8 minute read)

People are often more predictable than life itself.  I can often predict, with surprising accuracy, what a long-term friend will do in almost any situation, but my life has taught me that it can be considerably more difficult to predict where I will be in a year or two.

I certainly did not expect when I came to Colorado that I would soon know — at least casually — about 200 young men and women twenty years younger than me, nor that about two dozen of them would befriend me.

Yet that’s what happened — largely as a direct consequence of my choosing to frequent a coffee shop that both served the cheapest cup in town and was the hang out of hundreds of local high school students.  Since it was also the oldest and most established coffee shop in town, it was also the hang out of everyone else — from the mayor and some city council members to several homeless people.

Continue reading “All the Young Women”

Emotions, Human Nature, Judgementalism, Life, Living, Love, Passion, Quality of Life, Self, Self-determination, Self-Knowledge, Spirituality

How to Pass the Time When You’re Dead Before You Die

(About a 5 minute read)

“Some people die at 25, and aren’t buried until 75.” — Anonymous, but often attributed to Benjamin Franklin.


Of course, people have a right to live their lives as they wish, so long as they do not interfere with the rights of others to do the same.  Still, it is interesting to observe the choices they make, and the consequences of those choices.

For instance, I think many of us choose, perhaps at relatively young ages, to go through life without truly living.  We have neither love nor the passion it brings, having erected psychological barriers against those things.

We might go to school, graduate, find work, get married, get promoted, have kids, and so forth, but we are shells.  We are not living as fully as we could.

Curious things happen when we do that.

Continue reading “How to Pass the Time When You’re Dead Before You Die”

Abuse, Alienation, Alienation From Self, Emotional Abuse, Human Nature, Judgementalism, Life, Love, Lovers, Marriage, Physical Abuse, Psychological Abuse, Quality of Life, Relationships, Religion, Religious Ideologies, Romantic Love, Self Image, Sexual Abuse, Sexuality, Spiritual Alienation, Spirituality, Values, Verbal Abuse

The Cheating Wife

(About a 2 minute read)

Father, I have seen how the morals you demand of me
In the name of your God and his hell
Are like winds from two quarters
That carry the dust to my eyes
No matter which way I turn
So I can no longer see the path I’m on,
Nor which path to take from here.

Father, I have seen how the morals you demand of me
In the name of your God and his hell
Are like tungsten rods encasing me,
Confining me to inaction and encouraging resignation
To my hell, the hell my husband
Has created for me that may yet
Prove to be a death camp.

You tell me right and wrong never alter,
Never turn from one into the other,
That I must keep my vows and stay with him,
Merely praying that your God will change his heart.

I am weary now like a bison after wolves
Have chased her for miles to her last stand,
I am all but exhausted and ready to die.
Your words do not comfort me, nor encourage me,
But sound only like you want me to surrender
To the fangs of my enemy, that he might
Rip my throat and my life from me.

You say I must not cheat.
But I am ready to cheat.
I have met one who comes walking
In the grace of love for me.
One who does not merely speak of love, but loves.
One whose touching me has passed a spark
To the dry and brittle twigs of my self-esteem.

He wants me to live, and through him,
I want to live too.

Yes, I know that I’m weak,
Too weak to love myself without him.
But he ignites me, and my weakness
Will soon enough burn away in a bonfire.

Father, have you never been so beaten down
You could not stand up without someone’s help?
Have you never been so tired
You could not go on without first you slept?
Have you never been so defeated
You could not renew yourself?

Father, in your eyes I am no more than a whore,
I am no more than a law-breaker, an outlaw.
But have you considered this:
Even a whore has a right to life,
Even an outlaw has a right to live,
And how moral can your morals be
If your morals deny my life?

This poem was inspired by a poem on Sarah’s blog, “Fresh Hell”, which can be found here.

Abuse, Butch, Ethics, Family, Friends, Goals, Happiness, Human Nature, Judgementalism, Life, Living, Love, Lovers, Mature Love, Meaning, Morality, Morals, Parental Love, People, Purpose, Quality of Life, Rae, Relationships, Romantic Love, Sex, Sexuality, Shannon, Society, Tara Lynn, Tomoko, Values

Butch and Rae: An Unlikely Love Story

(About a 16 minute read)

Butch was such a nondescript man that he surely did not need a crowd to be overlooked by most anyone of us.  He was of average build, and just under average in height.  There was nothing either ugly or handsome about his face.   Blue eyes, a bit narrow.  Sandy hair.  Pale complexion.  Not only was he easily overlooked, he was even more easily underestimated.

Had you seen him during the time we knew each other, you most likely would have thought, “janitor”.  Arms too thin for construction, looks too unpolished to be a professional or even a store clerk.   And you would have been right.  At that time in his life, Butch was a janitor.

He was also one of those curious sort of people you sometimes come across in small towns and rural areas.  An honest genius with no more than a high school education, and no ambitions for himself.

Continue reading “Butch and Rae: An Unlikely Love Story”

Consciousness, Judgementalism, Life, Love, Quality of Life

There is no Ordinary Escape from Judgementalism

Judgementalism destroyed my first marriage, killed her heart for me.  It was helped along by many other factors, of course, including one factor far more important than it: Irreconcilable differences.

But judgmentalism was perhaps the second most important factor, and one that had no excuse of being necessary.  She could have done without it, and so could have I.

Of course, it took a long time for me to see the significance to my marriage of judgmentalism.  I was in my late 30s when I at last got around to closely examining it, and that was in connection with a young woman I loved.

Love and judgementalism are mortal enemies.  Throw them in the same ring together and one or the other dies.  Some folks — usually an abused partner — believe both can thrive together, but that’s simply not true.  If you take care to closely observe the matter, you will see for yourself that where the one is, the other is not.

To be sure, you can take pleasure in someone while judging them.  It’s just that you cannot love them.  I mention that because so many of us mistake the pleasure we get from someone — along with our desire for more of it — mistake it for love.

Please note:  I speak here of unconditional love, which is fairly rare.  Unconditional love, in my  experience, is incompatible with judgementalism.  However, there are several kinds of love, and the others do indeed seem compatible.

Can judgementalism be brought to an end?  I do not think so.  At least, not through any ordinary means, for it seems to be a function of consciousness itself.  As long as we are conscious, we are judging people and things.

However, it seems to me we can greatly ameliorate judgmentalism by becoming acutely aware of it, and then refusing to take our judgments seriously when it is neither useful nor necessary to do so.

Questions?  Comments?