Death, Friends, Life, Living, Love, Lovers, Muses, Resilience, Terese, Teresums

The Rebirth

To my friend, Terese Bozdas.

Once I stood on the trembling ice
Of a mountain torrent in winter
Surrounded by granite boulders
And dared the wild waters to drown me.

I had lost my wife.
I had lost my home.
I had lost my hopes.
I had lost my dreams.
And I dared the wild ice
Beneath me to break.

It is curious how you can sometimes
Be so numb the desire to die
Is the only thing
That makes you feel alive.

It was only when you came to me
Some years later

Singing songs of friendship,
Singing songs of compassion,

That I felt at last
The rebirth, the renewal
Of Spring.

Alison, Love, Poetry

A Flock of Sparrows for Majel: Forty Years Ago and Last Night

A Flock of Sparrows for Majel

(About a 2 minute read)

I. Forty Years Ago

I lie awake into the heart of a soft summer night,
Listening to the cicada shove life forward,
Beat upon beat, until their wild, shrill drumming
Is swallowed silent as a memory into time,

Then begins. Again.

And I remember Alison.

I lie awake into the heart of a soft summer night,
Listening to the cicada shove life forward,
Beat upon beat, until their wild, shrill drumming
Is swallowed silent as a memory into time,

Then begins. Again.

And I remember Alison.

Once a woman passed this way
Into the heart of a long ago summer,
On the wild, shrill scream of a generation then alive.
In their ending silence I became nothing, no more

Than my name.

I became numb.

II. Last Night

You know how it goes,
You meet people, good people,
Company for awhile.

They fall away,

Each one falls away.

One reason after another,

They fall away.

You gave up playing Twister with them long ago.
You no longer try to change your core
To fit inside their skins,
You’re not looking for a twin anymore.

One night you’re thinking about her
Was she the hinge, the turning point?

The first person you ever loved?

Yeah, she was the first person you ever loved.
And tonight maybe you’re finally seeing it true.

Maybe, you think — the thought comes too slow —
Maybe she was the only one who could have walked
The distance, the whole distance of your life
With you.
Why the did you leave her?

Why the hell did you leave her?

Does she have nights like you have nights now?
Did you betray not just your love,
But both your loves?

Maybe she didn’t love you all.
Wouldn’t that be better than you betrayed her?

But you can not believe now
— not now —
— not this night —
That she didn’t love you.

There is no refuge.
There is no salvation.
There is only the truth.

You would only go numb
If you ran again
From the truth.

Love, Spirituality, Attachment, Meditation, Quality of Life, Human Nature, Life, Attached Love, Lovers, Living, Advice, Resilience, Well Being, Clinging, The Art of Living Well

The Good News and the Bad News About Love

(About a 1 minute read)

The bad news is that you cannot love without risking almost certain pain now and then.  Even the most skillful and conscientious lover will now and then inadvertently hurt you. Even the greatest loves will someday come to an end — and often tragically (that is, in the ancient sense of tragedy — due to a flaw in human nature).

The good news is most — but never all — of the suffering most of us experience when loving someone comes from clinging unnecessarily to someone in an attempt to preserve the pleasures or avoid the pains of loving them.  If you can see this, and see it very clearly, you will put an end to the clinging, and with it, most of the suffering.

You need not do anything else.  You need only see it.  Once seen, your mind will reflexively avoid clinging like it would reflexively avoid a snake in the grass.

That is not something you should believe.  No matter how strongly you believe that, belief will not bring about an end to the suffering.  You must see it, instead.  You must watch it happening.  You much watch the whole process of clinging producing suffering — and no one can watch it for you.  No one can change a thing merely by telling you about it.

The way to watch it is through meditation.   Not introspection. Not contemplation.  Meditation.

Just my two cents.

Abuse, Emotional Abuse, Love, Physical Abuse, Tara Lynn, Verbal Abuse

“Jame Loves Rachel to Death”

Tara Lyn had an expression, a turn of phrase.  She would speak of “loving someone to death”.  It was almost her only way of saying, “love someone well and truly”.

“Jamie loves Rachel to death.”

“Chris loves me to death.”

I do not recall ever much caring for that way of putting things, but as her initially charming new boyfriend began to abuse her, and as his abuse of her progressed from verbal and emotional abuse into beatings, her casual use of the words became terrifying.

In the end, to hear her words was like being throat-punched while knowing yet another blow was coming in a moment.

Advice, Life, Living, Love, The Art of Living Well

Tired of Life?

Tired of life?

Try falling in love with someone, then play an old favorite, worn out song while imagining how they themselves would hear it.

If that doesn’t work for you, you just might be doing it wrong.  Double-check to see if you actually are in love with them.  Sometimes that’s the problem, sometimes not.