Advice, Attached Love, Attachment, Clinging, Human Nature, Life, Living, Love, Lovers, Meditation, Quality of Life, Resilience, Spirituality, The Art of Living Well, Well Being

The Good News and the Bad News About Love

(About a 1 minute read)

The bad news is that you cannot love without risking almost certain pain now and then.  Even the most skillful and conscientious lover will now and then inadvertently hurt you. Even the greatest loves will someday come to an end — and often tragically (that is, in the ancient sense of tragedy — due to a flaw in human nature).

The good news is most — but never all — of the suffering most of us experience when loving someone comes from clinging unnecessarily to someone in an attempt to preserve the pleasures or avoid the pains of loving them.  If you can see this, and see it very clearly, you will put an end to the clinging, and with it, most of the suffering.

You need not do anything else.  You need only see it.  Once seen, your mind will reflexively avoid clinging like it would reflexively avoid a snake in the grass.

That is not something you should believe.  No matter how strongly you believe that, belief will not bring about an end to the suffering.  You must see it, instead.  You must watch it happening.  You much watch the whole process of clinging producing suffering — and no one can watch it for you.  No one can change a thing merely by telling you about it.

The way to watch it is through meditation.   Not introspection. Not contemplation.  Meditation.

Just my two cents.

Abusive Relationships, Alienation, Anger, Attached Love, Attachment, Bad Ideas, Cultural Traits, Culture, Emotional Dependency, Free Spirit, Friends, Happiness, Human Nature, Judgementalism, Life, Living, Love, Lovers, Memes, New Love, Possessiveness, Quality of Life, Relationships, Romantic Love, Self, Self Identity, Self Image, The Art of Living Well, Unconditional Love

The Lightness of Love. The Heaviness of Possession.

(About a 4 minute read)

This is how I explain it to myself.  Suppose you meet someone who soon delights you, but who you do not in any way think of as “yours”.  She’s not (at least not yet) your friend, or your lover, or your colleague, or your boss, or your employee, or your client, or your teacher, or your neighbor,  or your — anything.  She delights you, but — as we sometimes say — she means nothing to you.

Let’s say you met her because she sat down at the table next to you in a coffee shop.  Glancing over you see her take a novel out of her purse.  “What a striking cover! I’ve never seen another like it. Is it a good read?”  A conversation starts.  A few minutes later, you are thinking she’s an easy-going, down to earth, and rather delightful person.

Continue reading “The Lightness of Love. The Heaviness of Possession.”

Abuse, Abusive Relationships, Attached Love, Bad Ideas, Emotional Dependency, Intelligence, Relationships, Resilience, Tomoko

My Fateful Tears

(About a 2 minute read)

My second wife was brilliant, the daughter of an award-winning quality control engineer, and she had most — or more than most — of his genius in her own brains.

Her executive father played a key role in his company’s race be the first manufacturer in the world to reach the fabled Sigma 6 level of quality control.

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Attached Love, Attachment, Authenticity, Bad Ideas, Being True To Yourself, Clinging, Cultural Traits, Culture, Delusion, Emotions, Free Spirit, Friends, Human Nature, Infatuation, Liars Lies and Lying, Life, Living, Love, Lovers, Marriage, Memes, Poetry, Possessiveness, Relationships, Self, Spirituality, Truth

A Flock of Sparrows for Majel: The Love that Only Turns You Lonely

A Flock of Sparrows for Majel

(About a 3 minute read)

I’m confused, Marissa.
You who so often see the truths beneath the lies,
What did you expect but loneliness?
What did you expect when you married Jim?

You would hear no blame in my words, Marissa,
If you could hear their tone.
You would hear no faulting in my voice, Marissa,
If you were here with me this morning
And we in each other’s sunny arms.

You would hear only curiosity.
Deep and profound
You would hear only curiosity.

Continue reading “A Flock of Sparrows for Majel: The Love that Only Turns You Lonely”

Advice, Agape, Attached Love, Brotherly Love, Erotic Love, Human Nature, Life, Love, Mature Love, New Love, Parental Love, Passion, Philos, Poetry, Romantic Love, Unconditional Love

A Flock of Sparrows for Majel: Love Sold Here by the Pocketful

A Flock of Sparrows for Majel

(About a 3 minute read)

People say “Love is a precious rock of great price”.
I can see that’s true enough — so far as it goes.
But saying that is like starting to tell a great joke,
Then suddenly trailing off into silence before the punch line.
It’s like a mathematical equation that isn’t balanced yet.
It’s like a lonely young man or woman without a partner.
It’s like the proverbial eight fast and furious minutes
That is sex the scientists say for most of us much under the age of 35.
But I suspect there’s so much more to love than that.

Continue reading “A Flock of Sparrows for Majel: Love Sold Here by the Pocketful”

Abuse, Agape, Alienation, Attached Love, Authenticity, Bad Ideas, Being True To Yourself, Cultural Traits, Culture, Death, Emotional Dependency, Ethics, Human Nature, Ideas, Infatuation, Judgementalism, Life, Living, Love, Lovers, Marysa, Morality, Morals, New Love, Oppression, Passion, People, Poetry, Possessiveness, Relationships, Romantic Love, Society, Spiritual Alienation, Spirituality, Tara Lynn, Terese, Teresums, The Spanish Woman, Truth, Unconditional Love, Wisdom

A Death in the Spring

This poem is dedicated to Majel Campbell, an admired and esteemed friend, and to Terese Bozdas and Marysa Storm, who were its graceful muses. The poem can be thought of as a true, novella-length story of a young woman’s betrayal and murder by a false man who she believed loved her. I was myself a nearby witness to the events recounted in the poem, but powerless to alter or prevent the triumph of evil.

The two core themes of the poem are the nature of love and the nature of evil.

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“An amazing journey of love, evil, truth and wisdom.” — Teresums

“I’m blown away!! Such an epic, beautiful poem, yet so sad! Truly among your best!”  — Scott

Continue reading “A Death in the Spring”

Attached Love, Awe, Bad Ideas, Education, Erotic Love, Human Nature, Ideas, Knowledge, Learning, Love, Mature Love, New Love, Parental Love, Romantic Love, Science

Do the Sciences Rob Love of Beauty and Mystery?

“It is sometimes said that scientists are unromantic, that their passion to figure out robs the world of beauty and mystery … It does no harm to the romance of the sunset to know a little bit about it.” — Carl Sagan

SUMMARY: I reject the notion that the sciences rob love of beauty and mystery.

(About a 4 minute read)

Love is probably the best thing most of us will ever experience in life.  This fact is made even more astonishing when you consider that life also includes blogging, and yet love amazingly edges out blogging even in the minds of otherwise sensible people when it comes to the best things in life.

But what is love?

There seem upon examination to be so many kinds of love that it would be perfectly understandable if the question, “what is love”, made us all go off into a corner, suck our thumbs, and whimper.  At least, I think it would be perfectly understandable.  But then, going off into a corner, sucking my thumb, and whimpering is what I do with about a quarter of my day, especially after reading the news headlines.

Continue reading “Do the Sciences Rob Love of Beauty and Mystery?”