Creativity, Cultural Change, Cultural Traits, Culture, Emotional Dependency, Ideas, Invention, Love, New Idea, Passion, Poetry, Possessiveness, Romantic Love

The Time When the Universe Began to End

(About a 4 minute read)

It is incredible to me that the Arab and Persian Court Poets lumped possessiveness in with love to arrive at the concept of “romantic love”. But they did. The gods themselves were so disbelieving when they witnessed it that they forgot to wank for six days and six nights, and stars began to fall from the sky. The universe began to end! Nevertheless, it was true. The poets really, honestly did lump possessiveness in with love!

The consequences have been devastating. In effect, the poets created a schizophrenic concept of love.

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Abusive Relationships, Alienation, Anger, Attached Love, Attachment, Bad Ideas, Cultural Traits, Culture, Emotional Dependency, Free Spirit, Friends, Happiness, Human Nature, Judgementalism, Life, Living, Love, Lovers, Memes, New Love, Possessiveness, Quality of Life, Relationships, Romantic Love, Self, Self Identity, Self Image, The Art of Living Well, Unconditional Love

The Lightness of Love. The Heaviness of Possession.

(About a 4 minute read)

This is how I explain it to myself.  Suppose you meet someone who soon delights you, but who you do not in any way think of as “yours”.  She’s not (at least not yet) your friend, or your lover, or your colleague, or your boss, or your employee, or your client, or your teacher, or your neighbor,  or your — anything.  She delights you, but — as we sometimes say — she means nothing to you.

Let’s say you met her because she sat down at the table next to you in a coffee shop.  Glancing over you see her take a novel out of her purse.  “What a striking cover! I’ve never seen another like it. Is it a good read?”  A conversation starts.  A few minutes later, you are thinking she’s an easy-going, down to earth, and rather delightful person.

Continue reading “The Lightness of Love. The Heaviness of Possession.”

Abuse, Abusive Relationships, Attached Love, Bad Ideas, Emotional Dependency, Intelligence, Relationships, Resilience, Tomoko

My Fateful Tears

(About a 2 minute read)

My second wife was brilliant, the daughter of an award-winning quality control engineer, and she had most — or more than most — of his genius in her own brains.

Her executive father played a key role in his company’s race be the first manufacturer in the world to reach the fabled Sigma 6 level of quality control.

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Emotional Dependency, Human Nature, Ideas, Infatuation, Life, Living, Love, Lovers, Relationships

Infatuation

SUMMARY: People often distinguish between love and infatuation on the basis of how long each is purported to last.  Love is said to last forever, while infatuations are said to be brief and fleeting.  This post proposes that infatuations are better defined as emotional dependencies.

(About a 3 minute read)

I have probably heard a hundred or more times in my life someone confess to me that he or she married their partner — not because they loved them — but because they were infatuated with them.  Never once have I heard someone say that worked out well.

But what, exactly, is infatuation?

In common thought, infatuation is to be distinguished from love mainly by how long it is assumed to last.  That is, an infatuation is seen as of brief duration, while love is thought to always be enduring.  But I have problems with that definition.

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Attached Love, Bad Ideas, Cultural Traits, Culture, Emotional Dependency, Family, Free Spirit, Hate, Human Nature, Ideas, Impermance, Jealousy, Life, Living, Love, Lovers, Memes, Possessiveness, Quality of Life, Relationships, Self, Self Identity, Self Image, Thinking, Unconditional Love

Death to Relationships! The Revolution Starts Now!

(About a 7 minute read)

Like most sensible people worldwide, I tend to uncontrollably froth at the mouth over certain concepts and notions that most people find reasonable, even innocuous.

Concepts and notions like “higher consciousness” (needs to be replaced by “higher awareness”), “love” (needs to be split into several words, one for each kind of love), and “small children” (need to be duct-taped in place).  Of course, I do not for a moment believe that any crusade I might go on against any of my pet peeves would have the decent chance of success that two teens alone in the backseat of a car on prom night have of retaining their virginity.

Continue reading “Death to Relationships! The Revolution Starts Now!”

Emotional Dependency, Human Nature, Life, Love, Lovers, Poetry, Quality of Life, Relationships, Religion, Romantic Love, Self, Self Identity, Self Image, Sex, Sexuality, Spiritual Alienation, Spirituality, Unconditional Love

Why I Only See a Ghost in You

(About a 2 minute read)

You now and then tell me the importance to you
Of your soul.

You have even wrapped your soul
From time to time in one or another religion.
And I’ve seen you pump it up with material things,
Or with intangibles you’ve found lying around.

A new car or house, your pride in your kids,
The value of family and friends, your politics.
All of those things you pour into your soul
Hoping you are pouring concrete for the foundations
Of you spiritual home.

But please tell me once again of that one time
Back in your twenties when you came home early from work.
Your wife and your best friend in your very own bed, I recall.

The shock killed you, you’ve told me time and time again.
And I believe you because I can see that it did.

Your soul turned a ghost that day.
Your soul has been a ghost
Ever since.

I’ve looked in you for love, my friend, and I have found
Nothing that could be distinguished from emotional dependency.
Nothing but the ghost, the ghost of love,
The ghost of your true soul.

You find a woman now and then. For 20 or 30 years
You have found a woman now and then.

But why is every woman you’ve found a dog, a bitch in the end?

Yes, you’re smarter than me, smarter than any of us fools
Who still love — we fail to see how cynical, how bitter,
We should be; we fools who still love, who pick ourselves up,
Each time we fall, and still love.

You complain that life is dull, meaningless, and unhappy.
But you have no passion for it, you know.
That ghost can no more embrace life than any ghost can
More than shake a small object, rattle some dice maybe.

You might be able to change, you know.
If you wanted to, you might be able to change.

Just quit seeking someone to love you,
Quit seeking the one you think will save you.

And take a hint from Rumi instead:
“Look for the barriers within you
That you have erected against love
And remove them.”

Abuse, Adolescent Sexuality, Attached Love, Courtship, Emotional Dependency, Erotic Love, Human Nature, Infatuation, Life, Love, Lovers, Marriage, Mature Love, New Love, Sex, Sexuality

Women’s Sexuality and Moral Judgementalism

(About a 4 minute read)

Perhaps significantly more than men’s sexuality, women’s sexuality is typically surrounded and wrapped in moral judgements.  Judgements that seem to me to mostly confuse the issue of exactly what is women’s sexuality?

Science can be of too little help here.  Many or most of the scientists themselves might be getting closer and closer to a firm understanding of women, but there is enough controversy in the field that a layman might find it quite difficult which theory — or even which facts — to trust.

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Alienation, Alienation From Self, Attached Love, Attachment, Authenticity, Being True To Yourself, Courage, Delusion, Emotional Dependency, Emotions, Free Spirit, Freedom, Happiness, Human Nature, Life, Love, Oppression, Passion, Self, Self Identity, Self Image, Self-determination, Self-Knowledge, Self-Realization, Spirituality, Transformative Experience, Wisdom

Living Within Our Walls

(About a 3 minute read)

It seems to be an exceptionally well recognized fact — albeit still very much a curious one — that most teens and adults have built psychological walls around themselves.

Growing up, I thought that was such a common thing for older people to do that I recall thinking walling yourself off was the mark of an adult — was what distinguished an adult from a child just as much as their size.  And — in a way — maybe that really is true.

What do most of us think of our walls?

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Alienation From Self, Angst, Anhedonism, Anxiety, Attached Love, Attachment, Buddhism, Delusion, Depression, Emotional Dependency, Emotions, Fear, Fun, Gluttony, Greed, Happiness, Human Nature, Life, Love, Lovers, Marriage, New Love, Quality of Life, Romantic Love, Self, Self-Knowledge, Sex, Wisdom

Pleasure is Like a Fire: It Warms You or it Burns

(About a 6 minute read)

I will be among the last people on earth to become an ascetic.   The idea of rejecting pleasure — all pleasure — for any reason gut-punches me.  It’s alien, it’s unnecessary, it’s outrageous.

Or at least that’s what my instincts tell me.  Whatever the reason, I simply wasn’t born to be an ascetic.  Not my path at all.  Someone else may “get” asceticism, benefit from it, but not me.

So it might seem curious to some of you that I have gone a full two years in my life without even once laughing out loud.  Not once in two years.

Continue reading “Pleasure is Like a Fire: It Warms You or it Burns”

Adolescent Sexuality, Alienation, Attached Love, Attachment, Emotional Dependency, Erotic Love, Impermance, Infatuation, Life, Love, Lovers, Marriage, Mature Love, New Love, Passion, Quality of Life, Relationships, Self, Self-Knowledge, Tara Lynn

How Love Ends

(About a 5 minute read)

Some people have time machines.  They take you back a few decades, maybe more than a few.  This morning was hardly past first light before a man I know had posted on a forum a long-winded sermon, self-righteously confident that women (“especially in California”) have turned love into “a temporal thing”.

His ex “moved on too fast”, you see, and he resents that about a woman he no longer wants anything to do with — beyond still control her every move, apparently — should now prove to him that all her words of love were false when she once was in love with him.

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Art, Attachment, Emotional Dependency, Infatuation, Jealousy, Life, Love, Poetry, Possessiveness, Wisdom

Late Night Thoughts: Possessiveness, Authenticity, Poetry, Comparisons, and More (August 8, 2018)

(About a 4 minute read)

These are just my opinions — they might not make sense to others.

As I see it, when we get into a relationship with someone, we have a strong tendency to think of that other person as in some way part of us. But that can go too far — and it often does. We become emotionally dependent on them, and then end up trying to control them in order to keep from losing the part of us that we thing they are. In other words, we end up being possessive.

Does any of that make sense?

Continue reading “Late Night Thoughts: Possessiveness, Authenticity, Poetry, Comparisons, and More (August 8, 2018)”