Advice, Horniness, Human Nature, Love, Lovers, Relationships, Sex, Sexuality

Some Advice for Hideous Post-Pubic Teens and Other Outlaw Pervs

[Asshole Mode On] Please pardon my French, but I don’t have a polite way to say this at the moment. Don’t waste energy and effort rushing into sex like sex was some sort of football game and you were a lineman who had to charge headlong into fucking like your life depended on you getting a little ass.

Just don’t.

Just don’t rush in.

Allow yourself to grow into it instead.

You will, you know, you’ll grow into it naturally, inevitably.  Trust me!  It happens!  You’ll know you’re ready when you are at last with a real decent partner and you feel like you will die — DIE! — if you can’t fuck them that very moment.  That’s how it feels to be emotionally ready for it.

And for the sake of the weeping gods, use condoms or some other medically approved protection, you hideous, perving morons! [/Asshole Mode Off]

Creativity, Cultural Change, Cultural Traits, Culture, Human Nature, Ideas, Invention, Life, Literature, Love, Lovers, Memes, New Idea, New Love, Poetry, Quality of Life, Relationships, Romantic Love, Writing

Will Tomorrow Bring a Better Love?

(About a 1 minute read)

Over a thousand years ago, a handful of Persian and Arabic court poets created a new way of looking at one of the seven or eight kinds of love.  Today we still see that kind of love largely through their eyes.  We call it “romantic love”.

Of course romantic love has been around since the first homo sapiens — and most likely even before them.  It’s as old as the yellow grasses of Africa.  But it has not always been seen — it has not always been understood — in the way we see and understand it today.

Here’s a thought for you.  The world is coming together and I think it is likely that quite soon, some group of “poets” will create a new way of looking at love — one suited to a global culture.  But if that wild idea comes true, then hold your breath!  How people see love influences how they love.

If and when a new way of seeing love comes about — will that way be overall a good thing for the world, or a bad thing?

In my opinion, it could go either way.


For more on this topic, see this post.

Art, Creativity, Cultural Change, Cultural Traits, Culture, Human Nature, Ideas, Invention, Life, Literature, Love, Lovers, Memes, New Idea, New Love, Poetry, Relationships, Writing

“East and West”: A Love Story for the 21st Century

(About a 3 minute read)

We all know the story.  Boy meets girl, they fall in love.  They fight.  Then make up.  Then pair off  forever and ever.

Puke me a river of boredom.  The story has been repeated more often than Trump’s stupidity.  Besides, it’s totally outdated.   Totally outdated.

It’s outdated because it is basically a Western story — and we living a world now where “we” are no longer just and only the West.  Think about it.  Isn’t it time for a new kind of love story?  One that combines — that synthesizes — the great motifs of both East and West?

In a way, it does not matter what you and I think the time has come for.  It’s going to happen anyway.  The world is already too globalized for it not to happen.  There will be an East/West love story someday — and probably someday soon.   A story that has elements of the old Western story, but also much that is new to the West.

Why do I think so?

Maybe the easy way to put is this: In the West, you love an individual.  You love what is unique, special about someone. . In other words, you love Jim, and no one will do but Jim.  Or Melinda, etc.  If you, dear reader, are from the West, that’s all common sense, right?

But traditionally, it was different in the East.  Traditionally, you do not love the individual there.  You do not love whatever it is about them that makes them one of a kind.  Instead, you love the universal in someone.  The timeless, unchanging, eternal in them.  The thing they have in common with everyone else.

Don’t believe me?  I had once had a professor who now and then would read traditional Indian love stories to us.  Every hero is the same.  Every heroine is the same.  Story to story to story.  Only the moral of he stories ever changes. Only the moral.

Of course there are Western style love stories all over the East these days — but guess where they came from?

I will wager that someone soon is going to create a true synthesis of East and West when it comes to love stories.  Something that will worldwide replace the individualism of “She’s the only one in the whole world for me” — but also replace the universalism of “He’s interchangeable with any ranking member of his cast or class or clan.”

By the way, look not just for a new story, look even more for a new way of thinking about what it means to love someone.  That will be the real change.  The real synthesis.  Not the plot, but the new vision of what love is.

Just a thought for the day.  Y’all can go back to being sane now.

 

Death, Friends, Life, Living, Love, Lovers, Muses, Resilience, Terese, Teresums

The Rebirth

To my friend, Terese Bozdas.

Once I stood on the trembling ice
Of a mountain torrent in winter
Surrounded by granite boulders
And dared the wild waters to drown me.

I had lost my wife.
I had lost my home.
I had lost my hopes.
I had lost my dreams.
And I dared the wild ice
Beneath me to break.

It is curious how you can sometimes
Be so numb the desire to die
Is the only thing
That makes you feel alive.

It was only when you came to me
Some years later

Singing songs of friendship,
Singing songs of compassion,

That I felt at last
The rebirth, the renewal
Of Spring.

Advice, Attached Love, Attachment, Clinging, Human Nature, Life, Living, Love, Lovers, Meditation, Quality of Life, Resilience, Spirituality, The Art of Living Well, Well Being

The Good News and the Bad News About Love

(About a 1 minute read)

The bad news is that you cannot love without risking almost certain pain now and then.  Even the most skillful and conscientious lover will now and then inadvertently hurt you. Even the greatest loves will someday come to an end — and often tragically (that is, in the ancient sense of tragedy — due to a flaw in human nature).

The good news is most — but never all — of the suffering most of us experience when loving someone comes from clinging unnecessarily to someone in an attempt to preserve the pleasures or avoid the pains of loving them.  If you can see this, and see it very clearly, you will put an end to the clinging, and with it, most of the suffering.

You need not do anything else.  You need only see it.  Once seen, your mind will reflexively avoid clinging like it would reflexively avoid a snake in the grass.

That is not something you should believe.  No matter how strongly you believe that, belief will not bring about an end to the suffering.  You must see it, instead.  You must watch it happening.  You much watch the whole process of clinging producing suffering — and no one can watch it for you.  No one can change a thing merely by telling you about it.

The way to watch it is through meditation.   Not introspection. Not contemplation.  Meditation.

Just my two cents.

Adolescent Sexuality, Bad Ideas, Courage, Dan Cohen, Free Spirit, Friends, Guilt, Honesty, Horniness, Human Nature, Judgementalism, Learning, Life, Living, Loneliness, Love, Lovers, Lust, Quality of Life, Relationships, Seduction, Self-Knowledge, Sex, Sexuality, Sexualization, Shame, The Art of Living Well, Values, Well Being, Wisdom

Sleep With Your Friends, Not Your Fascinations!

(About a 7 minute read)

Guys, I apologize for a bossy post title, but I just could not resist the alliteration.  A good phrase has so often been my undoing in life.  Twice, for instance, I said, “Make it happen!”, at the worst possible moment.

“Make it happen” is one of my favorite phrases.  I stole if from my younger brother. My bro is superb at making even seemingly impossible things happen.  But twice, I’ve said it when I should have thought before I said it.  “Do you, Paul, accept this woman as your lawfully wedded wife…”.

“Make it happen!”

“I’ll take that as an ‘I do’. You may now kiss the wench.”

Continue reading “Sleep With Your Friends, Not Your Fascinations!”

Bad Ideas, Cultural Traits, Culture, Erotic Love, Human Nature, Jennifer, Life, Living, Love, Lovers, Memes, Relationships, Sex, Sexuality, The Art of Living Well

Emotional Intimacy or Sexual Skillfulness?

(About a 2 minute read)

A very experienced man, Patrick, tells me that the most pleasurable sex he’s ever had in his life came about as a one-night stand with a perfect, but perfectly skilled, stranger.

Patrick has been married for at least a dozen years to the love of his life.

I myself cannot say quite the same thing as him about the best sex.  The best sex I have had came about within a committed relationship.  But I do think I can confirm that — in terms of pleasure — sexual skillfulness can go quite far towards making up for a relative lack of emotional intimacy.

Confirm that for me, if for no one else.

Put differently, the notion that emotional intimacy is absolutely key to sexual pleasure might be a myth — at least for some people.  For while intimacy certainly enhances sexual pleasure for most of us, so too does skillfulness for most of us.

Our culture does not recognize that fact.  We are so often told that almost everything depends on emotional intimacy and emotional intimacy alone.  But is our culture doing us a service there?

I recall another friend of mine, Jennifer, telling me she stayed in an abusive relationship for six or seven years because she had convinced herself that surely she must be in love with her abuser or otherwise the sex would not be as mind-blowing as it was.

Was she encouraged to think that way by our culture?  Or was that her own idea?  Or both?

Who really knows?

It would be nice to see some science on the subject.  A few surveys might give us an idea how most of us rank emotional intimacy relative to sexual skillfulness.  In the end, however, there is no substitute for figuring out your own answer to the question.

As for myself, I am greedy and want both.  Give me warm intimacy and cold ice cubes!

Coffee Shop Stories, Friends, INCOMING!, Lovers, Quality of Life, Relationships, Sex, Sexuality

“What If I Happened to be Fondling Your Butt…”

Dear Readers,

I was thinking tonight what if I happened to be fondling your butt and we were lovers, but not really friends.  Would I be fondling your butt any differently than if we were friends?

And I think, yeah, I think I would be.  I think — if we were not friends — I would be fondling your butt mostly for my own sake.  But if we were indeed friends, then I’d be fondling your butt for both our sakes.  I would want us both to win.

Just a reflection I had tonight after overhearing someone yesterday at my corner coffee shop tell her girlfriend that she didn’t want to date some guy because he was her friend — and she didn’t want to risk losing him as a friend.

Hah!  Wish I could fondle her butt!  I’d show her the error of her ways!

(Inexplicably, she declined my offer of participating in a scientific experiment to test her hypothesis about sex and friendship.  Even went so far as to call me “a dirty old man”!  Me!  The twenty-somethings these days!  Not at all as friendly as we were back in my day.  She wouldn’t even tell me her name.  There are no sensible people left! It’s all cold, aloof wackos out there now! Nutjobs and wackos!)

All the best,

Paul

Abuse, Abusive Relationships, Authenticity, Bad Ideas, Being True To Yourself, Ethics, Eudaimonia, Fairness, Free Spirit, Friends, Happiness, Honesty, Human Nature, Humanism, Liars Lies and Lying, Life, Living, Lovers, Morality, Morals, Obligations to Society, Passion, Quality of Life, Relationships, Self, Self-Flourishing, Sex, Sexuality, Society, The Art of Living Well, Values, Well Being

The Morality of Putting People to Narrow Uses

EXECUTIVE SUMMARY: Paul offers his take on the morality of putting people to narrow uses, such as only being interesting in someone for sex, or only for their entertainment value.

∇Δ∇Δ∇

THE CRITICS GO NUCLEAR!  “Once again, Paul Sunstone has taken it upon himself to discuss morality.  Hence, once again he has taken it upon himself to load a high calibre rifle with a shotgun shell.  Typical Sunstone, he is oblivious to the fact the shell didn’t fit, and he is just as oblivious to the fact his notion of morality does not fit the moral requirements nor standards of human nature.  Sunstone is proposing a moral code for bacteria.” — Gus “Gunning Gus” Johnson, The Blog Critic’s Column, “Leper’s Gulch Gazette”, Leper’s Gulch, Colorado, USA.

Continue reading “The Morality of Putting People to Narrow Uses”

Allies, Bad Ideas, Community, Cultural Change, Cultural Traits, Culture, Friends, Human Nature, Humanism, Life, Living, Lovers, Loyalty, Politics, Quality of Life, Relationships, Society, Values

How Most of Us Say, “Our Lives Have Broken”

EXECUTIVE SUMMARY:  Paul offers his opinion that people today have all too often come to treat each other as interchangeable, faceless grains of polished rice.

∇Δ∇Δ∇

THE CRITICS EMOTE!  “De hunne of blogging, Paul Sunstone has excreted yet another one of his innumerable atrocities upon the world.  The immediate effect that ‘Our Lives Have Broken’ has upon the honest and orderly reader is to provoke him or her to yearn for the nearest body of water deep enough to drown in.  Sunstone is the refutation of the thesis that history is progressive.  He is the refutation of the dialectics of both Hegel and Marx.  A Spengler would see in Sunstone the decline of the West, and he would be correct.”    — Johanna Meyer, Der Blogkritiker, “Die Fussen-Welt”, Fussen, Germany.

Continue reading “How Most of Us Say, “Our Lives Have Broken””