Attached Love, Attachment, Authenticity, Bad Ideas, Being True To Yourself, Clinging, Cultural Traits, Culture, Delusion, Emotions, Free Spirit, Friends, Human Nature, Infatuation, Liars Lies and Lying, Life, Living, Love, Lovers, Marriage, Memes, Poetry, Possessiveness, Relationships, Self, Spirituality, Truth

A Flock of Sparrows for Majel: The Love that Only Turns You Lonely

A Flock of Sparrows for Majel

(About a 3 minute read)

I’m confused, Marissa.
You who so often see the truths beneath the lies,
What did you expect but loneliness?
What did you expect when you married Jim?

You would hear no blame in my words, Marissa,
If you could hear their tone.
You would hear no faulting in my voice, Marissa,
If you were here with me this morning
And we in each other’s sunny arms.

You would hear only curiosity.
Deep and profound
You would hear only curiosity.

Continue reading “A Flock of Sparrows for Majel: The Love that Only Turns You Lonely”

Human Nature, Life, Living, Love, Lovers, Marriage, Poetry, Relationships

A Flock of Sparrows for Majel: Six Years

A Flock of Sparrows for Majel

(About a 1 minute read)

Six years have we been together.
How many more before you treat like you know me?

Honestly, I’m just curious if you have any plans
To take a look?

I know. I know. I know.
I’m upset. I’m angry. I’m tired. I’m irritable.
I feel neglected because we didn’t have sex last night.

Is that not exactly what you were going to say?
Got your number don’t I?

I’ve told you how I really feel
About these things.
I’ve told you a hundred times before.

Yes, I wish you would take a look.
I wish that very much.

But why do I wish it?

You say anger and upset.
I say intimacy is more fun than the distances.

A hundred times I’ve said:
Intimacy is more fun than the distances.

If you were a doctor
You would place my arm in a cast
Every time I told you I had a cold.

You tell me I mean the world to you.
That I’m your special man.

But you treat me like I’m just some face
You see in a crowd.

Six years have we been together.
How many more before you treat like you know me?

Advice, Authenticity, Being True To Yourself, Courtship, Free Spirit, Freedom, Friends, Fun, Human Nature, Ideas, Life, Living, Love, Lovers, Loyalty, Marriage, Oppression, Play, Quality of Life, Relationships, Sex, Values

How an Open Relationship Can be Fun and Exciting for Both You and Your Mail Carrier

“If you love somebody, set them free.  If they return to you, it’s beautiful.” — Anonymous, often falsely attributed to Richard Bach.

SUMMARY:  Open relationships in which the partners are by and large free to do as they please aren’t all roses and sparkles, but they can solve some common enough problems with more conventional relationships.

(About a 7 minute read)

Give me a free spirited woman!  After more than twenty years of being happily celibate, I most certainly wouldn’t know what to do with one, but that does not mean I would not — if the right one came along — seriously consider getting into one of those romantic thingies with her.

You know, one of those friendships where you get to do sexy stuff like…um…I forget now.  Oh yeah!  Like blow up condoms and bounce them around the bedroom together!  At least, that’s what I recall condoms are for.  I’m pretty sure they make lousy garbage can liners, so it’s logically got to be balloons, right?

Continue reading “How an Open Relationship Can be Fun and Exciting for Both You and Your Mail Carrier”

Advice, Human Nature, Life, Living, Love, Lovers, Marriage, New Love, Quality of Life, Relationships, Romantic Love, Sex, Sexuality

A Simple Trick for Overcoming the Fear of Rejection

SUMMARY:  The fear of rejection seems to be rampant in young men and women.  It is, however, a dangerous thing to fear, for it can cause you to — among other things — settle for much less than you want or need.

(About a 4 minute read)

If dragons were real, and young men and women were given the choice of either slaying one with a wooden sword or — alternatively — striking up a conversation with an attractive young man or woman they had not yet met, you could lay money on it that, every Spring morning, the sound of whittling boards into swords would be deafening.

Continue reading “A Simple Trick for Overcoming the Fear of Rejection”

Abuse, Bad Ideas, Community, Cultural Change, Cultural Traits, Culture, Ethics, Family, Life, Living, Marriage, Memes, Morality, Morals, News and Current Events, Physical Abuse, Political Issues, Quality of Life, Relationships, Society, Thinking, Values, Verbal Abuse

Divorce

(About a 4 minute read)

A few days ago, I was reading about a pastor from one of the Southern states who is of the angry opinion (why does everyone think they need to be angry to open their mouths on nearly any subject these days?) that divorce was far too easy in America.

He blamed no-fault divorce for breaking up the American family, and warned that it would soon lead to the collapse of the nation. Consequently he was calling for laws that would make it much harder to get divorced.

Continue reading “Divorce”

Abuse, Alienation, Alienation From Self, Emotional Abuse, Human Nature, Judgementalism, Life, Love, Lovers, Marriage, Physical Abuse, Psychological Abuse, Quality of Life, Relationships, Religion, Religious Ideologies, Romantic Love, Self Image, Sexual Abuse, Sexuality, Spiritual Alienation, Spirituality, Values, Verbal Abuse

The Cheating Wife

(About a 2 minute read)

Father, I have seen how the morals you demand of me
In the name of your God and his hell
Are like winds from two quarters
That carry the dust to my eyes
No matter which way I turn
So I can no longer see the path I’m on,
Nor which path to take from here.

Father, I have seen how the morals you demand of me
In the name of your God and his hell
Are like tungsten rods encasing me,
Confining me to inaction and encouraging resignation
To my hell, the hell my husband
Has created for me that may yet
Prove to be a death camp.

You tell me right and wrong never alter,
Never turn from one into the other,
That I must keep my vows and stay with him,
Merely praying that your God will change his heart.

I am weary now like a bison after wolves
Have chased her for miles to her last stand,
I am all but exhausted and ready to die.
Your words do not comfort me, nor encourage me,
But sound only like you want me to surrender
To the fangs of my enemy, that he might
Rip my throat and my life from me.

You say I must not cheat.
But I am ready to cheat.
I have met one who comes walking
In the grace of love for me.
One who does not merely speak of love, but loves.
One whose touching me has passed a spark
To the dry and brittle twigs of my self-esteem.

He wants me to live, and through him,
I want to live too.

Yes, I know that I’m weak,
Too weak to love myself without him.
But he ignites me, and my weakness
Will soon enough burn away in a bonfire.

Father, have you never been so beaten down
You could not stand up without someone’s help?
Have you never been so tired
You could not go on without first you slept?
Have you never been so defeated
You could not renew yourself?

Father, in your eyes I am no more than a whore,
I am no more than a law-breaker, an outlaw.
But have you considered this:
Even a whore has a right to life,
Even an outlaw has a right to live,
And how moral can your morals be
If your morals deny my life?


This poem was inspired by a poem on Sarah’s blog, “Fresh Hell”, which can be found here.

Abuse, Adolescent Sexuality, Attached Love, Courtship, Emotional Dependency, Erotic Love, Human Nature, Infatuation, Life, Love, Lovers, Marriage, Mature Love, New Love, Sex, Sexuality

Women’s Sexuality and Moral Judgementalism

(About a 4 minute read)

Perhaps significantly more than men’s sexuality, women’s sexuality is typically surrounded and wrapped in moral judgements.  Judgements that seem to me to mostly confuse the issue of exactly what is women’s sexuality?

Science can be of too little help here.  Many or most of the scientists themselves might be getting closer and closer to a firm understanding of women, but there is enough controversy in the field that a layman might find it quite difficult which theory — or even which facts — to trust.

Continue reading “Women’s Sexuality and Moral Judgementalism”

Alienation From Self, Angst, Anhedonism, Anxiety, Attached Love, Attachment, Buddhism, Delusion, Depression, Emotional Dependency, Emotions, Fear, Fun, Gluttony, Greed, Happiness, Human Nature, Life, Love, Lovers, Marriage, New Love, Quality of Life, Romantic Love, Self, Self-Knowledge, Sex, Wisdom

Pleasure is Like a Fire: It Warms You or it Burns

(About a 6 minute read)

I will be among the last people on earth to become an ascetic.   The idea of rejecting pleasure — all pleasure — for any reason gut-punches me.  It’s alien, it’s unnecessary, it’s outrageous.

Or at least that’s what my instincts tell me.  Whatever the reason, I simply wasn’t born to be an ascetic.  Not my path at all.  Someone else may “get” asceticism, benefit from it, but not me.

So it might seem curious to some of you that I have gone a full two years in my life without even once laughing out loud.  Not once in two years.

Continue reading “Pleasure is Like a Fire: It Warms You or it Burns”

Adolescent Sexuality, Alienation, Attached Love, Attachment, Emotional Dependency, Erotic Love, Impermance, Infatuation, Life, Love, Lovers, Marriage, Mature Love, New Love, Passion, Quality of Life, Relationships, Self, Self-Knowledge, Tara Lynn

How Love Ends

(About a 5 minute read)

Some people have time machines.  They take you back a few decades, maybe more than a few.  This morning was hardly past first light before a man I know had posted on a forum a long-winded sermon, self-righteously confident that women (“especially in California”) have turned love into “a temporal thing”.

His ex “moved on too fast”, you see, and he resents that about a woman he no longer wants anything to do with — beyond still control her every move, apparently — should now prove to him that all her words of love were false when she once was in love with him.

Continue reading “How Love Ends”

Adolescent Sexuality, Beauty, Erotic Love, Fun, Horniness, Lovers, Marriage, Passion, Quality of Life, Relationships, Sex, Sexuality, Teresums

What Makes a Woman Great at Sex? Seven Key Traits to Lust for!

(About a 12 minute read)

CAUTION: The following article contains raw, explicit, and potentially nerve damaging views and opinions harbored by Paul Sunstone.  It is highly recommended that you proceed no further without having handy the emergency number of the International Crisis Intervention phone line.  Furthermore, please bear constantly in mind that “it’s only Paul”, and that consequently all opinions expressed here should be taken with a 20kg block of cattle-lick salt.  Have a good day (fat chance of that now)!

I leaped out of bed this morning passionately convinced that at least one of my beloved readers — at least one — was wondering today, “What makes a woman a great lover?” But no sooner had I that thought than it also occurred to me that I have solemnly promised myself never again to rely solely upon my own judgement in such matters, ever since I posted that tragically misguided blog article, “Out of KY Jelly?  Here’s Paul’s Easy Guide to Emergency Vaginal Lubrication Using Common Household Cleaning Products” — which has since been deleted by order of the courts.

In my defense, how was I to know those products would hurt down there?  I mean, do you think I myself have a vagina?  Folks should have known I was only speculating!

Nevertheless, I’m not one to shirk responsibility, so I take full credit for making things good by deleting the article within a mere twenty-four hours of being ordered to do so by the courts.

Continue reading “What Makes a Woman Great at Sex? Seven Key Traits to Lust for!”

Celibacy, Courtship, Cultural Change, Cultural Traits, Culture, Happiness, Honesty, Late Night Thoughts, Lovers, Marriage, Poetry, Relationships, Seduction, Sexuality

Late Night Thoughts: Prose and Poetry, Children and Judgement, Priests and Celibacy, Culture and Change, plus more (July 31, 2018)

(About a 4 minute read)

Some of us who publish our poetry on the internet care more to get an idea across than get it across poetically.

We might break our sentences
Into several lines
As if they were poems
But they really are
Prose.

There’s no crime in it, of course. The gods know life has so many much bigger things to worry about than whether someone likes getting his or her ideas across more than they

Continue reading “Late Night Thoughts: Prose and Poetry, Children and Judgement, Priests and Celibacy, Culture and Change, plus more (July 31, 2018)”

Courtship, Family, Life, Love, Lovers, Marriage, Quality of Life, Relationships, Teresums

Why We Should Marry Someone We Like to Fight With

(About a 4 minute read)

Well, I tried.  I tried to come up with a post title that more accurately described my topic than the one you see, but alas!  The Great Muse of Titles was indifferent to me today, not even responding to my promises to generously sacrifice the annoying Teresums if she gave better than I got.

So to be more precise than my necessarily brief post title, have you ever wondered why so many articles and columns advising people on what to look for in a potential spouse fail to note the full importance of finding someone who fights you — when you do get into fights — in a way that you yourself can accept and respect?

Just yesterday, I overheard a conversation between two extraordinarily knowledgeable and impressively wise authorities on marriage in which both parties raised exactly that point and then went on to agree that actually liking — in the sense of “approving of” — your partner’s style of fighting you is a solid, but quite often overlooked, key to a successful marriage.

That’s to say, my cleaning lady, Evelyn, and I were talking about it with each other.  Moreover, I was listening — really listening — to both of us because  I fully possess the virtue of having great respect for people I deem to be authorities on any given subject, even if one of those people happens to be me.  Call me a “fool” about most things if you must, but I certainly do not tolerate harboring any ugly biases against myself.  Instead, I have standards.  High standards that I passionately and stubbornly enforce.

In my both admittedly limited experience and just as admittedly unlimited opinions, a whole lot of new couples simply cannot image they will ever get into a serious fight with each other — let alone a fair number of serious fights over the years.  Such idealism!

Actually,  my own mother believed that for quite some years.  Her mother and father were quite adamant about never fighting in front of their children.  Never.  They’d send her and her sister off to play, then retreat to their bedroom where, behind the closed door, they’d fight without raising their voices loud enough to be overheard.

Mom grew up thinking her parents never fought, but of course, she eventually figured out that all couples fight sooner or later — which I too believe to be true.  As does my cleaning lady.  There you have it — a three person consensus of experts in the field.  What more do you want?

I’ve had two wives, but never a wife I was truly compatible with when it came to fighting — and I think that tells you one of the reasons I am now twice divorced.

I was least compatible with my second wife.  Despite that I loved and cherished her, she was abusive, and so I involuntarily lost a bit of respect for her each time we fought, until there wasn’t enough respect left to glue us together.  When I left her, I didn’t emotionally suffer even for a day.

Make no mistake:  Respect was key.  Not love — I loved her long after I left her for, among other things, she was as brilliant as she was cruel.  But respect, more than love, is what solidifies a couple.

Or so the scientists tell us.  Following a series of somewhat controversial studies, John Gottman theorized that contempt — the opposite of respect — was the signal most significant factor leading to divorce in young couples.   Gottman is considered by some to be the leading scientist on the subject of why couples divorce, and he seems quite confident that a lack of respect is more telling than even a lack of love in determining whether a relatively young couple will make it together for more than a few years.

I think it’s a fair presumption that a man as well informed and wise on the subject as Gottman is bound to agree with Evelyn and me that folks should definitely not get married unless and until they know just how their potential spouse fights, and they approve of his or her style well enough to still respect them afterwards.

Comments?  Questions?  Unholy offers to email me tasteful, but subversive, nude selfies in order to poignantly remind me of what I’m missing by remaining voluntarily celibate?  Self-flattering screeds on how your natural body orders are a pleasing stench in the nostrils of the gods?