Advice, Authenticity, Being True To Yourself, Courtship, Free Spirit, Freedom, Friends, Fun, Human Nature, Ideas, Life, Living, Love, Lovers, Loyalty, Marriage, Oppression, Play, Quality of Life, Relationships, Sex, Values

How an Open Relationship Can be Fun and Exciting for Both You and Your Mail Carrier

“If you love somebody, set them free.  If they return to you, it’s beautiful.” — Anonymous, often falsely attributed to Richard Bach.

SUMMARY:  Open relationships in which the partners are by and large free to do as they please aren’t all roses and sparkles, but they can solve some common enough problems with more conventional relationships.

(About a 7 minute read)

Give me a free spirited woman!  After more than twenty years of being happily celibate, I most certainly wouldn’t know what to do with one, but that does not mean I would not — if the right one came along — seriously consider getting into one of those romantic thingies with her.

You know, one of those friendships where you get to do sexy stuff like…um…I forget now.  Oh yeah!  Like blow up condoms and bounce them around the bedroom together!  At least, that’s what I recall condoms are for.  I’m pretty sure they make lousy garbage can liners, so it’s logically got to be balloons, right?

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Amanda, God, God(s), Life, Living, Love, Lovers, Quality of Life, Religion, Sacred, Sex, Spirituality

Is Sex Sacred?

SUMMARY: The statement “Sex is sacred” can have two meanings and thus two very different answers, depending on which meaning you go with.

(About a 5 minute read)

I was recently shocked and delighted when an attractive young woman I talk with about once every week or two at the local coffee shop suggested to me I’d be “fun to get in bed with”.

That is, I was shocked because Amanda is nearly 35 years my junior, and I was delighted because not many attractive 20 somethings have in recent years professed any such interest in me, despite that I typically spend some time each week standing beside the interstate exit ramp with a cardboard sign reading, “Experienced Sex Tutor.  Free Lessons!”.

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Advice, Art, Authenticity, Being True To Yourself, Cultural Traits, Dance, Erotic Dance, Life, Living, Performance Arts, Sex, Sexuality

How to Watch Strippers (And Why You Should Care)

SUMMARY: Common mistakes people make while watching erotic dancers, plus the best way to do it in order to fully appreciate the nature of erotic dance.

(About a 6 minute read)

It seems curious to me that — from my point of view — people first make sex a problem when it need not be a problem, then they condemn sex for the mess they’ve made of it.

Why is that so?  Why do we think sex is the problem when it’s so obvious to anyone willing to look closely at it that it’s us — our attitude and approach to it — that are the problem?

Continue reading “How to Watch Strippers (And Why You Should Care)”

Fun, Human Nature, Play, Sex, Sexuality

Bonobo Handshakes

(About a 5 minute read)

Back around the turn of the 20th Century, there was in both North America and Europe a scandalous free love movement.  At one time or another, it seems nearly everyone on the political left either condoned or espoused it, just as nearly everyone on the political right secretly envied it and dreamed of someday encountering it.

Of course free love meant different things to different people.  For some folks — perhaps a majority of those who endorsed it — it meant little more than people ought to have a right to shack up without getting married.  For others, I’m sure it meant sex should be just as available and casual as quarters in the sweaty hands of incognito fundamentalist elders attending dimly lit peep shows on a Saturday night.

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Advice, Erotic Love, Human Nature, Life, Living, Love, Lovers, Quality of Life, Relationships, Sex, Sexuality

How to be a Great Lover

“Sex: In America an obsession. In other parts of the world a fact.”  ― Marlene Dietrich

SUMMARY:  The importance of being a considerate lover.

(About a 5 minute read)

Oral sex was still controversial in my rural Midwestern town when I was growing up.  Near as I can recall now, about a third of my classmates thought it was obviously unacceptable, about a third thought fellatio was alright, but cunnilingus was not, and a third accepted both forms.   Almost no one considered it obligatory.

I was in the third that wholly accepted it, and that paid off after I made my way to university and became truly sexually active.  It certainly got me a lot of compliments.  Looking back now, I can see how about the only reason the compliments were glowing was because so many people refused to perform it on women.

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Advice, Human Nature, Life, Living, Love, Lovers, Marriage, New Love, Quality of Life, Relationships, Romantic Love, Sex, Sexuality

A Simple Trick for Overcoming the Fear of Rejection

SUMMARY:  The fear of rejection seems to be rampant in young men and women.  It is, however, a dangerous thing to fear, for it can cause you to — among other things — settle for much less than you want or need.

(About a 4 minute read)

If dragons were real, and young men and women were given the choice of either slaying one with a wooden sword or — alternatively — striking up a conversation with an attractive young man or woman they had not yet met, you could lay money on it that, every Spring morning, the sound of whittling boards into swords would be deafening.

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Abuse, Adolescent Sexuality, Advice, Courtship, Erotic Love, Ethics, Human Nature, Life, Living, Love, Lovers, Mature Love, Morals, New Love, Relationships, Romantic Love, Sex, Sexuality

How Young is Too Young to Love?

SUMMARY:  I discuss two separate questions.  First, how old must someone be to feel love? Second, how mature should someone be to handle love?  I address the first question — which is a factual question — through science.  I address the second question — which is a matter of opinion or judgement — through five measures or standards for maturity.

(About a 12 minute read)

After I had reached puberty, a number of adults — including my mother and some of my teachers — cautioned me and others my age that we were “too young to love”.  No explanation was ever given for why we were too young for romantic love.  It was just so.  Lucky for me, I bought into the idea.

I say I was lucky because during high school I became deeply infatuated with a girl in my class.  Had I not bought into the notion I was too young to love, I might have fancied myself in love with her — which would not only have been factually untrue, but I can only image the trouble it would have caused me at the time to think I was in love with her.

Yet, the question of whether I was too young to love is ambiguous.  It can be interpreted in at least two ways.  First, was I too young to feel love (had I actually felt it)?  Second, was I too young to cope with love?

Continue reading “How Young is Too Young to Love?”