Abuse, Adolescent Sexuality, Advice, Courtship, Erotic Love, Ethics, Human Nature, Life, Living, Love, Lovers, Mature Love, Morals, New Love, Relationships, Romantic Love, Sex, Sexuality

How Young is Too Young to Love?

SUMMARY:  I discuss two separate questions.  First, how old must someone be to feel love? Second, how mature should someone be to handle love?  I address the first question — which is a factual question — through science.  I address the second question — which is a matter of opinion or judgement — through five measures or standards for maturity.

(About a 12 minute read)

After I had reached puberty, a number of adults — including my mother and some of my teachers — cautioned me and others my age that we were “too young to love”.  No explanation was ever given for why we were too young for romantic love.  It was just so.  Lucky for me, I bought into the idea.

I say I was lucky because during high school I became deeply infatuated with a girl in my class.  Had I not bought into the notion I was too young to love, I might have fancied myself in love with her — which would not only have been factually untrue, but I can only image the trouble it would have caused me at the time to think I was in love with her.

Yet, the question of whether I was too young to love is ambiguous.  It can be interpreted in at least two ways.  First, was I too young to feel love (had I actually felt it)?  Second, was I too young to cope with love?

Continue reading “How Young is Too Young to Love?”

Adolescence, Adolescent Sexuality, Attachment, Authenticity, Being True To Yourself, Coffee Shop Folks, Coffee Shop Stories, Family, Fatherless Children, Fatherless Daughters, Fatherless Girls, Friends, Human Nature, Jackie, Jerks, Judgementalism, Life, Living, Love, Lovers, Mental and Emotional Health, Obsession, People, Quality of Life, Relationships, Sarah, Self, Self Identity, Self Image, Self-determination, Self-Knowledge, Sex, Sexuality, Society

All the Young Women

SUMMARY: I take a look at the women I met some years ago in Colorado Springs, and then draw a few conclusions about the challenges they faced at that time in their lives.

(About a 8 minute read)

People are often more predictable than life itself.  I can often predict, with surprising accuracy, what a long-term friend will do in almost any situation, but my life has taught me that it can be considerably more difficult to predict where I will be in a year or two.

I certainly did not expect when I came to Colorado that I would soon know — at least casually — about 200 young men and women twenty years younger than me, nor that about two dozen of them would befriend me.

Yet that’s what happened — largely as a direct consequence of my choosing to frequent a coffee shop that both served the cheapest cup in town and was the hang out of hundreds of local high school students.  Since it was also the oldest and most established coffee shop in town, it was also the hang out of everyone else — from the mayor and some city council members to several homeless people.

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Abuse, Anger, Emotional Abuse, Emotions, Human Nature, Jerks, Life, Regret, Sex, Sexual Abuse, Sexualization

A Jerk in Bed

(About a 4 minute read)

We had been sitting next to each other at the coffee shop’s counter for a few minutes when she introduced herself to me.  Looking up from her magazine, she pointed to the article she’d been reading and said something about it that I can no longer recall.

I was instantly pleased with her for taking the initiative.  I usually like it when women start up conversations with me, and I tend to think of them as a bit adventuresome for having done it.

After that first meeting, I saw her around from time to time.  She would always say hello and we’d usually exchange a few words.  Things stayed casual though.  There was nothing flirtatious in her manner or attitude.

Continue reading “A Jerk in Bed”

Abuse, Bad Ideas, Ethics, Human Nature, Ideas, Life, Living, Love, Lovers, Morality, Morals, Quality of Life, Relationships, Sex, Sexuality, Values

All’s Fair in Love and in War?

(About a 5 minute read)

Few problems are more apt to distress us than sexual ones.  STDs, unwanted pregnancies, break-ups, frozen zippers on prom night — all can be life-altering challenges.  Some scientists have concluded that even seemingly wholly positive events, such as a marriage or birth of a welcomed child, can be major stressors capable of leading to a breakdown under the wrong circumstances.

In a sense, then, it should not surprise us that so many of us think how we ought to conduct ourselves in a sexual relationship varies considerably from how we should conduct ourselves in a non-sexual relationship.

“All’s fair in love and war”, ought never to be regarded as more than a joke in my opinion, and yet, I have known numerous people who thought it was a truism, a maxim to live by.

Continue reading “All’s Fair in Love and in War?”

Danielle, Love, Miscellaneous, People, Poetry, Sex, Sexuality

She Wore a Top Hat and Little Else

(About a 3 minute read)

“Whip it out”, she said.
“No, your wallet”, she said.
“This is a coffee shop, Paul,
Not a brothel.”

“Of course I knew what you meant.
I’m not dumb, Danielle.” I said,
Trying to cover up my mistake. “I was um…
Performing a little street theater, you see.”

“Emphasis on ‘little’, Paul.”

I decided it was time to change the subject.
“What’s your favorite funeral home joke’,
I hastily asked, batting my lashes fetchingly.

“Thinking of retiring, Paul? That’s something
The whole shop could get behind,
An old man like you.”

“Ok, I owe you one. It was an innocent mistake
Anyone could make, but I owe you one.”

“You can take me to a strip club Thursday at six.”

“But…”

“You can take me to a strip club Thursday at six.”

“But…”

“Or I tell everyone.”

Thursday at six rolled around like an appointment
With a bloodthirsty Mafia boss
That I wasn’t hankering to meet.

Danielle showed up dressed causally
But conservatively, in sheer lace lingerie,
A top hat, with a cane:
Conservatively for the clubs, that is.

“I want to blend in”, she explained.

“Good thinking”, I said, “No one will notice you.
Me, I’ll just be drinking heavily,
Pretending I don’t see you either.”

She got in free, no cover charge.
I had to pay 15 standard fee,
Plus $200 deposit because the overly-muscled
Idiot guarding the door remembered me
From the night I got drunk and some dancer’s
G-string inexplicably got stuck in my teeth.

The first act was pathetic, a newbie
Who pandered to the crowd by pretending
To juggle carrots in the nude
While walking around the stage
Chanting “Cha-cha Cha-cha”.

The second act wasn’t much better.
A slender blonde laid on her side,
Repeatedly raising and dropping her leg
While looking a mix between angry
And infinitely bored.

“This is what it’s all about?
This is what turns you men on?
You want I should juggle carrots for you?”

“Hardly”, I said, “Maybe it’ll get better.”
But I didn’t believe it would.
Time to take myself up on my offer
To start drinking heavily.

But then some natural born artist
Took the stage and danced her sexuality.
The two who followed were the same.

On the drive back, I asked
What she thought of it all.

“Liberating!”

When we got to my place
She abruptly unzipped me
With not so much as a “by your leave”,
But with a dexterous wack of her cane.

“That could have gone very wrong.”

“Yes”, She agreed. “But there’s not much
Down there it could have hit.”

Our eyes danced for each other,
Found what they were looking for,
Then rested briefly eye to eye.
Suddenly
We plunged for the bed simultaneously
Laughing like kids on Christmas morning.
The bed bounced us into each other’s arms.

“Could you take the g-string out of your teeth.”

“It cost me two hundred.” I said.
“And there’s still plenty of chew in it yet.
I’m not ready to lose it just yet.”

Abuse, Butch, Ethics, Family, Friends, Goals, Happiness, Human Nature, Judgementalism, Life, Living, Love, Lovers, Mature Love, Meaning, Morality, Morals, Parental Love, People, Purpose, Quality of Life, Rae, Relationships, Romantic Love, Sex, Sexuality, Shannon, Society, Tara Lynn, Tomoko, Values

Butch and Rae: An Unlikely Love Story

(About a 16 minute read)

Butch was such a nondescript man that he surely did not need a crowd to be overlooked by most anyone of us.  He was of average build, and just under average in height.  There was nothing either ugly or handsome about his face.   Blue eyes, a bit narrow.  Sandy hair.  Pale complexion.  Not only was he easily overlooked, he was even more easily underestimated.

Had you seen him during the time we knew each other, you most likely would have thought, “janitor”.  Arms too thin for construction, looks too unpolished to be a professional or even a store clerk.   And you would have been right.  At that time in his life, Butch was a janitor.

He was also one of those curious sort of people you sometimes come across in small towns and rural areas.  An honest genius with no more than a high school education, and no ambitions for himself.

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Cultural Traits, Culture, Free Spirit, Human Nature, Impermance, Life, Love, Lovers, Marriage, Poetry, Self, Sex, Sexuality, Spirituality, Unconditional Love

An Eulogy for Undying Love

(About a 2 minute read)

You broke into tears the moment I said
I loved you. I panicked. What had I done?

It was your father and mother, you explained.
Their brutal fighting and divorce had butchered
Some part of you. Cut your ideals about love
Into quarters.

You no longer were that girl
In the smiley-faced dungarees
Who believed “I love you”s were gold
That could never be tarnished,
Were diamonds that would never
Turn back into coal.

That night, night of tears, you made visible
To me how we plant our feet astride the notion
Of undying love.

Stride it like a farmer
With just one plant to tend.
Hold it up like a hunter
Holds up a twelve point buck he’s killed.

It means everything to us,
It visibly means everything to us.

Inevitable, I suppose, to want more of a good thing.
Yet perhaps greed to want more than is freely given.
Either way, human nature.

Are not all creatures born to die, including us?
And yet we touch this thing called “love”,
Hoping we can for a moment become Midas,
And turn love into lasting gold.

But don’t you know? The reason gold lasts
Is because it has never lived.

Only those things that never live last forever.

I can see the setting sun
Burning colors in your hair.

There’s nothing we can do
To keep those colors there.

I can see the raven cross
The liquid changing sky,

And in my heart I know
We too must pass on by.

I will not make you promises
That life itself will surely break,

But I can be with you this moment
In these fires on Clinton Lake.