Authenticity, Being True To Yourself, Friends, Relationships

Somewhere in the Vicinity of Your Heart

(About a 3 minute read)

On the warmer nights in the winter
I would sit on the patio composing
Poems for you who had no ears
For them. Poems I once called,
“Lighting colored patio lamps
To guide your way back to the stars”.

I’d sound their words softly
Almost in whispers to hear
If they had begun to flow
Like molten gold to me,
If the heat was on them.

We met when you mailed me
About your husband of 11 years,
A preaching man
Who with his congregation
Wanted you to become the perfect
Wife and subservient helpmate
To all their needs,
But true to none of your own.

You spoke of how you were losing yourself
How you were losing yourself to them.
“What do i do?? What can i do?”
And you didn’t cap your “i”s.

I think I saw beyond your questions.
I think I saw into your spirited heart.

Perhaps being older I knew,
As you did not, consciously did not,
The value of your authenticity to you.

Patio lamps to the stars.
I composed patio lamps to the stars

Like:

Then you said the stick-figure
Drawings of my penis
(That I’d painfully created over the years
By ripping them from the deep reaches of my soul,
And rendering them on museum-quality,
Artist-grade papers)
Had made your raw and honest emotions
Visible to you,
Made them concrete and tangible,
So that you could touch them
Once again.

I didn’t really mind you didn’t get my jokes.
It wasn’t like they were all I did.
It wasn’t like they were all the gifts I had for you.

But they were I think where my love showed,
Was left out on your porch by night
For you to feel it for breakfast in the morning.

It was my love for you that moved me
To introduce you and him who I knew
Would be better for you than me.

I know in this sorrowful world
The sad people offer their
Wholesome condemnations —
Condemnations that substitute
For genuine insight —
Of women who like you dump a friend
For the one reason you gave
(My lack of money)
Then turn on me too
When I stick up for you
Saying I’m a chump and a fool
To be suckered in like that.

But I do not condemn you
And I do not condemn them.
I know judgment never truly sees true,
Never sees the marrow
Beneath the bone.

It’s just that I don’t understand
Why we couldn’t stay friends.

Have you ever dug down beneath
The troubled mud of confusion
About something important to you?

Have you ever looked beneath
The wind-lashed waves, looked
Into the darkness below the surface?

I did that with you.

It felt like being ground to a point
By a sharpener and yearning
Then to glide across your breasts
In order to leave
A fine and gentle mark
Somewhere in the vicinity
Of your heart.

Alienation, Alienation From Self, Authenticity, Being True To Yourself, Censorship, Community, Cultural Traits, Culture, Family, Freedom, Freedom and Liberty, Human Nature, Obligations to Society, Oppression, Society

How Small Town Reputations Work

(About an 8 minute read)

I think the best way to begin a discussion of how small town reputations work is by talking about Glen.

Glen shocked me that day I discovered he was an adamant creationist, but in hindsight I should have seen it coming, for evolution contradicted his faith.  In my shock I thought a few things I regret now.  Notions about him that lacked understanding and kindness, and that were absurdly false and misleading.

Continue reading “How Small Town Reputations Work”

Abortion, Abuse, Aesthetics, Art, Artist, Authenticity, Bad Ideas, Beauty, Being True To Yourself, Dance, Don, Erotic Dance, Free Spirit, Fun, People, Sex, Sexuality, Sexualization, Wisdom

Elle: Nurse by Day, Stripper by Night

(About a 10 minute read)

The first thing I noticed about Elle was that she seemed mysteriously out of place.  She was sitting alone at a table in Shotgun Willies’, watching a young woman dance on one of the stages, and smoking a cigarette.

Because Elle was fully dressed in street clothes, I wasn’t sure what she was doing there?  Was she an erotic dancer?  Then why the clothes?  But if she wasn’t a dancer, what was she doing in an erotic dance club? I spent no little time wondering about her like that before she rose, crossed over to the other side of the room, and strolled through the dressing room door.

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Agape, Altruism, Art, Authenticity, Awe, Beauty, Being True To Yourself, Brotherly Love, Children, Community, Creativity, Dance, Education, Emotions, Enlightenment, Erotic Dance, Erotic Love, Ethics, Extended Family, Fairness, Family, Free Spirit, Freedom, Freedom and Liberty, Friends, Fun, Giving, Happiness, Honesty, Horniness, Human Nature, Humanism, Humanities, Ideas, Love, Lovers, Loyalty, Mature Love, Morality, Mysticism, Nature, New Love, Parental Love, Passion, Peace, People, Philos, Redemption, Romantic Love, Science, Self-determination, Self-Integration, Self-Knowledge, Self-Realization, Sense of Relatedness, Sex, Sexuality, Society, Spirituality, Talents and Skills, Transformative Experience, Unconditional Love, Vacilando, Wisdom

The Importance of Redemption

(About a 5 minute read)

I sometimes get the impression that plenty of us tackle the big ideas in life almost the day we escape our cribs for the first time.

“Gurk! Life is mine to seize! I see it clearly now.  I shall be my own hero. Gerp!” Or, “Poppels! But our capacity to love is what most defines us as moral. Twurks!  What’s this?  Why, it must be what what ma-ma calls, ‘poo’.  And look!  It’s endlessly shape-able!”

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Alienation, Alienation From Self, Attached Love, Attachment, Authenticity, Being True To Yourself, Courage, Delusion, Emotional Dependency, Emotions, Free Spirit, Freedom, Happiness, Human Nature, Life, Love, Oppression, Passion, Self, Self Identity, Self Image, Self-determination, Self-Knowledge, Self-Realization, Spirituality, Transformative Experience, Wisdom

Living Within Our Walls

(About a 3 minute read)

It seems to be an exceptionally well recognized fact — albeit still very much a curious one — that most teens and adults have built psychological walls around themselves.

Growing up, I thought that was such a common thing for older people to do that I recall thinking walling yourself off was the mark of an adult — was what distinguished an adult from a child just as much as their size.  And — in a way — maybe that really is true.

What do most of us think of our walls?

Continue reading “Living Within Our Walls”

Alienation From Self, Authenticity, Bad Ideas, Being True To Yourself, Cultural Traits, Culture, Emotions, Free Spirit, Human Nature, Self, Self-Integration, Self-Knowledge, Spirituality, Wisdom

Dealing With Our Light and Dark Sides

(About a 4 minute read)

I have been thinking lately that, if we wish to live our lives to their fullest — that is, if we wish to flourish — then we will keep in touch with both the good and the bad in us, with both our light and our dark sides.

I’m not an avid fan of the notion — most famously expressed in Star Wars — that the two are separate discrete things, or that they can be split apart in any meaningful way.  However, it seems we are under considerable societal pressure to believe just that: That we not only can but ought to feed and nourish our good side, while starving out bad side.

But is that wise?

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Alienation From Self, Authenticity, Being True To Yourself, Free Spirit, Fun, Human Nature, Life, Oppression, Play, Poetry, Quality of Life, Self, Self-determination, Spiritual Alienation, Spirituality, Talents and Skills, Values, Wisdom

It’s Wonderful to be Reborn as Yourself

(About a 1 minute read)

It’s wonderful to be yourself.

It’s a release to be true —
A little short of finding god,
Which is almost as good as the smell
Of leather and of rain.

You feel your powers growing
As your talents fully express,
Burst the concrete
You laid above them
And leaf out for the light
of fun.

Yeah, you still must care
Socially, environmentally,
And all. You cannot murder,
You cannot rape, you cannot rob.
But putting bummers aside,
You can thrive, you can flourish,
You can live.

Often we don’t know how
Because we try to compromise
In order to please the bosses,
The spouses, the partners,
The families, the friends,
The peers, the public,
The leaders, the fools,
The dogs, the cats,
The rabbits, the mice,
And our barnyard lovers
Who once were our only
True fated friends.

It never ends until the day,
Which always comes a bit late,
When our love transcends
Both our fears and desires,
Reaches that mass that must
Now kindle into fire.

That’s when the walls
We made out of standards
We purchased from others
And hopes we could conform
Shudder and shake and shatter,
And we’re reborn.